My son Rex quit jiu-jitsu. This made me sad. It took some time to come up with an alternate sport/fitness activity that met the family’s criteria.
Rex’s criteria: It should be easy and not boring.
Rex’s suggestions: Tossing a ball with his 3 year-old sister. Tossing a ball at his 10 month-old brother. Going to the pool. Playing any sport where practices begin May 2017 or later.
My criteria: It should be jiu-jitsu. If it’s not jiu-jitsu it should be something that is free, strenuous, requires no transportation, won’t embarrass him bc lack of motor skills, and is awful enough to punish him for quitting jiu-jitsu.
My suggestions: Jiu-jitsu. Pushups.
Karena’s criteria: Anything I can’t lift weights during because she’s evil.
Karena: THERE’S A SOCCER LEAGUE FORTY-FIVE MINUTES AWAY. SIGNUPS ARE OVER, BUT IF WE VOLUNTEER, AND AGREE TO PAY A LATE FEE, THEY’LL…
We eventually settled on running. Rex runs around our property (probably 0.25 miles per lap) for an increasing amount of time each day. He started with 10 minutes. We monitor him through the windows to see that he’s not walking. I haven’t caught him yet but he does sometimes take a long time to get around windowless portions of the house. If this happens, I’ll open the door and shout encouraging words to him. Then I’ll quickly close it before any of the heat or character-building bugs get inside.
Rex: Dad, so I have to run a minute more each day…forever???
Me: Yes, in less than two months you’ll be running an hour a day. In a year – six hours. There are 1440 minutes in a day, so in a few years you won’t even be able to stop running to sleep or eat or go to the bathroom, you’ll just run continuously.
So now I have to lift in my garage again. I moved all of Karena and the kids’ crap out of the way. I’ll get to the chalk dust/grime/dead bugs later. It will give me something to do between sets.
Con: It’s routinely 90+ degrees Farenheit in the garage during the summer. It was once 104. (40 C)
Pro: I can tell everyone who will listen.
Pro: I’ll be training 7 days a week for an hour or more instead of 4-5x for 50 minutes.
Con: I’ll be training 7 days a week for an hour or more instead of 4-5x for 50 minutes.
Pro: I can train whenever I want.
Con: As long as it’s after 9 PM.
Pro: No annoying women exercising next to me, whipping me in the nuts with a jump rope while I’m trying to bench.
Con: No women wiggling their spandex-clad buttocks provocatively inches from my face as I dip down into a Romanian deadlift.
Make the last one a Pro. I don’t know if it’s a gravitational field or they just liked it when when my sweat landed on them (mmm salty like pretzel…mmm pretzel) but only the really big chicks would cluster dangerously close to the rack
Con: Goodbye inspirational music in headphones. Hello baby monitor.
With no music to enliven my workout, I’ll turn to caffeine to energize.
Con: Hello going to bed at 3 AM still grinding my teeth.
Pro: Won’t have to deal with two year-old touching my gym bag or running behind me when I squat.
Con: Will not be able to secretly make faces at him to make him cry. Not that I would ever intentionally frighten a child. Unless it was a safety issue.
Con: Because the roof of one of our sheds is partially collapsed I have to keep my lawnmower near the weight area (not too near I would not want anything to happen to it)
Pro: Can gaze proudly at lawnmower between sets, which will increase testosterone.
Con: Will have less amusing stories to tell on the blog.
Pro: I never post anyway.