giant-spider-20160829lifesize.  yes it doesn’t matter whether you’re on a cell phone or a widescreen monitor.

wt: 172.2

CGB: 245,250,255,260,265,270 x 1; 185 x 6

MRS: 225 x 6; 230,235,240,245,250,255,260 x 3

Mil Press: 130,131,132.5,133,5,135 x 3

SLDL: 240,245,250,255,260,265,270 x 2

Pullups: 7,6

time: 1:20

Ant Infiltration


Both the picture and the text of this album cover are somewhat astounding.  I didn’t download the album. also Karena just walked in while I was posting this and does not approve – or understand art. 

Playing Legos with Quincy and Coach Jr.  I’m not making this up I made a Lego Bosch the dishwasher for her and she was putting flowers and cupcakes and etc on top of it.  Coach Jr was looking for new and interesting Legos that he could fit into his fat mouth.

Quincy (pointing): Eek! Daddy! Buggy!  (returns to building)

Quincy has amazingly good eyes (everything about her is amazing yes deal with it) but she has exactly the same reaction above whether there is a dead ant twenty feet away on the driveway or a giant centipede crawling on the baby’s face.

In this case it was an ant – actually four – crawling on the carpet.  Actually more like forty by the time I finished killing with vacuum.  Think I found the source which was a bunch of anthills right outside a sliding glass door nearby.  Went to work with poison and orange soaps.

wt: 174.2 Karena away all weekend she left pork and sliced vegetables but this time we ordered a pizza one day also i didn’t work out and watched Alien (1979) instead because never seen it.  Keep falling asleep & still haven’t made it halfway.

Floor press: 230,235,240,245,250,255,260 x 2

Squat: 380,385,390,395 x 1; 265 x 6

BTN Press: 156,157.5,158.5,160 x 1

SGDL: 270,275,280,285,290,295 x 2

BB Shrug: 280 x 10

time: 1:30

Dishwasher Update

So Quincy and Coach Jr are fascinated by the dishwasher


Quincy came over to me the other evening when I was running a load of dishes and washing the irregular/enormous ones that won’t fit* by hand.

*I know it’s irrational, but I suspect Karena has begun using more of these on purpose to spite me.

Quincy: What is the dishwasher’s name?

Me: Uh…Bosch*

Quincy: Hi, Bosch!  What are you doing?

Me (as Bosch the dishwasher)**: Hello, Quincy.  I’m washing the dishes and getting them clean so you can have your favorite purple cup tomorrow.

Quincy: Do you like to do that?

Bosch: Yes, I like to eat all the slime and crap from the dishes.  That is what I like!

and etc…

* yes creative i know shut up i’m trying to clean an enormous cutting board that Karena used to cut a single green pepper.

** Bosch has a deep melodious voice like Aslan.  I’m an expert at doing voices and impressions.  For example, I can do an English accent that is perfect +

+ for any three year old who has never heard an actual English accent


Quincy (prattling on): Thank you for washing my favorite purple cup so I can have a lucky day tomorrow.  (continues for several more sentences, but inaudibly)

Me: What was that, honey?

Quincy: NO! I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to Bosch.

Thursday 10/20/16

wt: 172.6

Floor Press: 190,195,200,205,210,215,220,225 x 3

Squat: 355,360,365,370,375 x 1

BTN Press: 152.5,153.5,155 x 1

SGDL: 225,230,235,240,245,250,255,260,265 x 3

BB Shrug 270 x 10

time: 1:19

Friday 10/21/16

wt: 172.0

CGB: 210,215,220,225,230,235,240 x 2

MRS: 295,300,305,310,315,320,325 x 1

Mil Press: 123.5 x 6;  125,126,127.5,128.5 x 3

Stiff Leg DL: 210,215,220,225,230,235 x 3

BB Shrug: 275 x 10

time: 1:25

Cat Father

For the last eight months my daughter Quincy has been a cat.

Me: Go potty before we leave.

Quincy: It’s a litter box!

Me: Sigh. Fine. Litter box.  Make sure to wash your ha…paws.

Quincy: Meow!

Unfortunately she does not kill mice.  I paid eight bucks for two of these:



But like the woman in the picture I am tidy and dainty and slender and sexy and don’t want mice splattered all over the place.

Of course the stupid expensive thing didn’t work so Karena laughed at my folly and laughed again when I snapped my finger three times in the cheap one which of course killed the mouse that very night.

Quincy: I don’t like fish.

Me: Cats love to eat fish.

Quincy: Yum, yum.  Purr.

Rex: You’re not a cat!

Me: Yes she is.  Now shut up and eat your fish and stop being a dreamcrusher.

Why is she a cat?  It is probably due to my influence:  I love cats and have mistrusted dogs since my uncle’s German Shepherd knocked me down when I was five.  I wouldn’t say that I hate dogs, or that I’m terrified of them.  I guess I would compare my attitude toward dogs to my attitude towards convicted murderers: Ideally they are kept chained up and/or far away from me, but if a relative or close friend vouches for one, I’ll warily endure its presence.



Above: Instilling my predjudices in my child.


Left to right: Karena, Quincy, Me (in lawnmower)

Animals sense my attitude towards them and don’t bother to conceal their true natures:

Dog owner: This is Spot.  He’s an Africanized Gnawing Hound (or something equally preposterous). They are known for caring for orphans.

Me (backing up slightly): Uh, hello. Nice dog?

Spot (snarling, straining at leash, foaming at mouth): RRRR!*

Dog owner: I’m so sorry!  He’s not normally like this!  Please can you go somewhere else, the leash is tearing the skin from my hand!

* Translation: “I’m going to finish what that German Shepherd started”

Cat owner: We have a cat but I doubt it will come out while you’re here.  It’s my wife’s and it doesn’t even like to be around her.

Cat: Mew* (jumps on my lap)

Cat owner: What the hell – do you have fish in your pocket or something?

*Translation: “Greetings.  The extraordinary sensory powers my race is endowed with enables me to detect that you are kind and have led a good life.”

Being a cat has other advantages for Quincy:

Random woman at Walmart:  Ooh, you are so cute!  You’re just a little princess, aren’t you?

Quincy: Meow.

I mean what else is she supposed to say to that?

My parents encourage this craziness:  My mom writes her letters from their cat.  My dad built her this “cat barn”:

cat barn.jpg

Fortunately, he was wise enough not to call it a “cat house”

The other members of the family are sometimes animals too, according to Quincy.  Rex is a “dirty dog,” although she’s not allowed to call him that.  Coach Jr is a “dirty bird” (“He wets the nest”).

Me: What kind of animal is mom?

Quincy: A lady dog.

Me:  !   :D  !  (Holds up phone to record)  Say that one more time.

Quincy (repeating more clearly): A ladybug.

I can’t decide if I want to be a lion or an ape (yes i get to choose, deal with it).

Me: Karena, would you say I’m more like a lion with the head of an ape, or an ape with the head of a lion?

Karena and Quincy: Ape with head of lion.



residual self-image

Topics for discussion: What kind of animal are you?   Did anyone else own this action figure or others from the “Blackstar” line?

Mayor of the Palace

wt: 172.6

CGB: 175 x 6; 180,185,190,195,200,205 x 3

MRS: 260,265,270,275,280,285,290 x 2

Mil Press: 172.5,175,177.5,180 x 1

SLDL: 170 x 8, 175,180,185,190,195,200,205 x 4

Neck Harness: 55×8 not the 10 i wanted, i haven’t been training this lately because i got an actinic keratosis burned off my forehead which left a blister -> sore -> scar adding to my general overall hideous visage.  Then I guess neck harness left a new blemish…

Quincy @ breakfast: Daddy, you have two boo-boos on your head.

finally sledgehammer which i toy with every day and just assume i’ll not mention this again until i’m the lever world champion of the world and my middle name is Martel.

time: 1:20



My dad: When is the next full moon?

Quincy: At night.

wt: 171.0

floor press : 250,255,260,265,270,275 x 1

squat: 315,320,325,330,335,340,345,350 x 2

btn: 142.5,145 x 2; 147.5,150 x 1

sgd: 305,310,315,320,325,330,335 x 1

pullups: 6, 6


time: 1:24