Quincy decided she wants to have a baby sister named Sarah.  Karena and I both told her no, so she decided that she would call Coach Jr “Sarah” from now on.  Coach Jr has not objected.  He’s still calling himself Kent Goom.  Also he calls her “see-say” (trying to say “sissy”)


Distraught because left behind yet again


Karena found this crack pipe in our yard.  It’s not really a crack pipe but right when she sent me this pic, Rex was saying the phrase “Beam me up Scotty” which is an epic-level coincidence that you probably don’t care about.

image000001the last? pokeball

IMG_20170509_191720baby sarah would not conduct herself in such an undignified manner

IMG_20170510_064710here hold still so i can take a picture of you before school and post it on my blog so strangers can make fun of the way you dress yourself.  earlier attempts were censored because he had crumpled six dollar bills into a wad and stuffed them in his pocket and it looked lewd


Rex: Maybe they will in the future.

IMG_20170511_110809took a temporary break from Grifters because i found Atlas Obscura at the library

IMG_20170511_170236playdoh Mii of Karena


Me: No, I did.


Quincy ran pink and brown play-doh together through the extruder.

Me (unwisely): that looks like someone ate a bunch of bubblegum and pooped it out


needless to say there were no more family Miis made and the remainder of playdoh play involved Wario and Yoshi blaming each other for leaving their poops lying around.

Date: Friday, May 11, 2017

Wt: 161.8

T/h: 69/68

Start time: 4:21

CPP: 45, 95, 121, 155, 175, 185P, 155 x 2

Squat: 225, 275, 325, 345, 360, 315 x 3

Bench: 135, 215, 245, 275, 295, 265 x 3

SLDL: 225, 275, 325, 375, 325 x 3

End time: 5:33

Sets: 24

Time: 72

Brown Ease

Q: Did you hear about the new laxative?

A: It’s called Brown Ease!

get it – brownies. copyright.

blog men pooping outdoor, can the original 5/3/1 be used as a leader in 5/3/1 forever by jim wendler, blog outdoor men shitting, 531 no deadlift

reviewing search terms that lead people to your blog can always be enlightening.

I very much wanted to see this animal, especially the new historic game of baccarat, and this was a good place, for it ranks next to Monte Carlo for high play and plenty of it. But the result was what I might have expected — the interest of the looker-on perishes with the novelty of the spectacle; that is to say, in a few minutes. A permanent and intense interest is acquirable in baccarat, or in any other game, but you have to buy it. You don’t get it by standing around and looking on.
-Mark Twain (from Europe and Elsewhere)

Reading The Grifters now, is pretty good.  I think i watched a little of the movie but all I remember is John Cusack getting hit in the stomach.

wt: 161.8

tried some rack bench today pressed 340 a quarter inch or so.  squatted 390 to some pins did 350 high bar squat, 345 SLDL x 3



Quincy, Rex, and Karena going around talking about Pimpkins. Turns out they mean Pikmins (from the video game with Olimar)

Coach Jr was very amused at Quincy tearing leaves off this bush. 

Playing some sort of cake making game that he doesn’t understand but is happy to just be included.


Wt: 161.8

Lifted. I guess the highlight was 465 deadlift off pins and lowlight was missing 211 push press.

It’s much easier to enter workout logs like this. Next I’ll have Rex type it up and save even more time


Quincy: what does swollen mean?

Me: uh, like puffed up

Quincy: grandma is swollen.

Me: no, just her knee


At the gas station today and the pump keypad wouldn’t let me type in some the numbers. I moved to different pump.   A guy pulled up to the broken one so I shouted warning and he moved to the one next to me.

Guy: hyoo ain’t from round these here parts. I kin tail cause yoo got naccent.

I’ll lay off the phonetic transcription but

Guy: did you watch the game last night?

The answer to this was going to be no anyway but

Me: which game?

Guy: Yankees vs Cubs

It was surprising that anyone would refer to any baseball game as “the game” but especially these two teams.  I told him I was a Braves fan and we commiserated on the recent futility of this.

Guy: yeah i can’t believe they traded Freeman. Who trades a guy hitting over 300?

It was time to go & as soon as i got back into my truck i had to google. It was a filthy lie. 

While i was playing with my phone another guy pulled up, took a long chain out of his truck. I looked back down. Leash, i figured.  Then i looked up again, curious. It was kind of a thick chain, like the kind you’d use on a big dog if you either really didn’t want him to get away – or you wanted other people to think your dog was tough.  Either way was he gonna take this beast into the gas station?

Turns out it was a man.  Saw them shuffling into the gas station, the original fellow in the rear, ten feet of chain between his waist and the lead fellow’s back. Hope neither of them had to use the bathroom.


Wt: 161.8

Don’t have workout log handy but it was a bad day. Tried 305 for bench double, only got one. Missed 465 BPS squat from #17. Tried again. Missed again. I did SLDL 305 x 4 off 1/2″ mat. That was good. Nothing else of note.

Maybe I’ll do my logs like this every time. How would that be for y’all.

Chainsaw chess

I’ve lost at chess to Rex three nights running. We play with a 6+3 timer and the games always go like this:

1. Opening – I develop my pieces in a textbook manner and control the center of the board. Rex moves pieces aimlessly, moving the same ones multiple times while leaving others blocked in.

2. Midgame – Rex is so excited about capturing my pawn that he doesn’t notice that he’s left his piece unguarded. Repeat.

3. Endgame – he’s down to two worthless pawns and I’ve got like two rooks, a bishop and a knight to chase his king around with. Then i run out of time.


I was gonna buy a chainsaw and various safety regalia and cut the tree that fell in our front yard. But the saw i wanted went up in price while it was in my Amazon shopping cart, and while Karena and i deliberated (and i bought a new​ axe and fooled around with it) my father-in-law returned from out of town.

Even though he has a chainsaw, Karena didn’t want to ask him to cut the tree because he would be unsafe with it and possibly overwork himself. I didn’t want to ask him to cut the tree because i didn’t think it was fair. After all it was my tree and i should be given a chance to buy my own chainsaw and be unsafe with it.

But when they stopped by on their way home, he saw (pun) the tree

MIL (to Karena): your dad is very excited to get to use his chainsaw.

According to somecowboyguy and the entire internet, when you use a chainsaw you should wear eye and hearing protection, gloves, chaps, and workboots.

But you can’t really advise another man (particularly an older more experienced one particularly your own father-in-law) about safety.   I did offer him some protective items which he politely spurned.

Some of his other practices seemed unorthodox.  For example I witnessed him leave the chainsaw running, embedded in the tree trunk, while he stood on a log that was wedged underneath the trunk – and bounced up and down.

I thought back to my Army training:  I could make a tourniquet out of my shirt and one of the many sticks available, but I hoped that it would not come to this as I have seen many unpleasant sights of gore.

While he chainsawed, i lugged pieces of tree to the road. Ironically (and thankfully) the only injury was to me: I got an ugly bruise on my thigh because one of the hunks of trunk (rhymes) had a two inch twig sticking out of it.

Father-in-law (as I lifted a 3 foot x 2 foot diameter log): You should get the wheelbarrow.

Me (trying not to grunt while I spoke): nah, it’s all good.

Immediately after I moved that piece I went and got the wheelbarrow.  No shame in it.

Eventually he got tired and decided to come back the next morning to finish up.  I knew that he would leave the trunk in like 4 foot sections if he didn’t have to help me move it to the road and this is what happened.

But fortunately I had a manly plan:  I would split the wood into smaller pieces.  After all I had split wood a few times under my father’s supervision about twenty years ago.  And as I frequently remind blog readers and anyone who will listen in RL, I am descended from 5 generations of lumberjacks (sort of: my dad only did it as a summer job – it’s the main reason he decided to go to college).

Honestly I do like hitting things with axes and sledgehammers and etc. I have daydreams of playing High Striker and winning gargantuan stuffed animals for hot girl in skimpy sundress or short shorts then idk some villain tries to steal it but I for some reason still have the sledgehammer… then maybe the Ferris wheel gets stuck and if there was only someone strong enough to lift this axe they could chop it down and i guess catch the children as they tumbled out…


Me: …


Me: Why don’t you stand farther back sometimes pieces of wood or the axe goes flying


Just getting started.

Rex: Wow dad you did that one in one hit.

Me: stop standing around and pick up those sticks like I asked you to (looks around to see if Karena was watching my prowess)

Anyway my plan worked.  I hacked the tree into splinters in about ten minutes and I was tossing them into the wheelbarrow & feeling pretty good but then I realized that I was just a parody of my manly forefathers – splitting wood to throw away.  Also I have a field that I don’t grow anything on.  The one thing I do cultivate in abundance (grass) is a weed.  Well at least kids sometimes play in the yard but they spend most of their outdoors time in the driveway riding bikes and bouncing frisbees.


Dismantled tree.

But then two guys came along in a beat-up pickup truck and asked if they could take the wood.  They were grateful that I had already split most of it.  I was grateful that i didn’t have to haul any more to the curb and that my task had some sort of meaning.


i feel boastful typing that in but it is verbatim


back to pink paper I guess

Cholesterol champion

Coach Jr likes looking at books with pictures of baby faces. His favorite book is this photo album of mostly himself, which he is studying very seriously here. This behavior would be somewhat aberrant in an adult but it’s fine. He suckled his final pacifier two days ago (he was only using them at sleeping times).


Went to the annual doctor appt at the VA today. My experiences were mostly identical to last year and etc. I got lost four times. The computer didn’t work. The lab tech recommended cowboy bebop. An old guy sat down right next to me in the waiting room and struck up a conversation.

Me: When were you in the air force?

Old guy: 1952-56.

Me: so did you catch the end of Korea?

Old guy: nope that was world war two

Nurse: SGT Coach?

Me (relieved): uh that’s me…I gotta go!

He looked surprised and mildly hurt that i would step away from this conversation just because it was my turn to see the doctor.

You ever have a ticket agent say “have a nice flight” or a maitre’d say “enjoy your meal” and you respond “you too” without thinking about it? Try doing that when the nurse tells you to go into the other room and remove all your clothing. Hue.

Anyway my cholesterol was good and lower than last year. HDL and LDL both good and better than ever. Blood pressure was 123/81 even though I’d just got done with that baffling Korea/WW2 conversation & had to run to make appointment because was in wrong building and on wrong floor & had just chugged a cup of coffee – and the nurse was naked.

May the Fourth

I don’t really support this meme; about thirty years ago i would have described myself as a huge star wars fan but I have not liked any of the movies made since i became an adult and even stopped liking return of the Jedi because of the ewoks. So now i have accepted that i like Star Wars less than the median American.  


Toying with the idea of buying new weightlifting shoes as my  powerlift 2.0 s are getting a bit worn (though still serviceable). Perhaps i would like a stiffer sole or .75 inches instead of .60. But Max barbell is sold out of SABO powerlifts in my size and says they’re being redesigned. I considered the powerlifts 3.0 but they’re not different enough, SABO weightlifting shoes were only available in white, and everything else has a split heel, too much heel and/or is too expensive, so i guess I’ll wait.


i realize why i pre plan stuff instead of being a total daily max guy – it really helps to see that awake rational me thought i could and should lift these weights. 430 AM me is kind of a pussy but he can at least follow orders.

For Michigan method.


Not a bad video but

1. The idiotic prohibition of guns in videos mars it slightly particularly the ending
2. Why not make Eminem the snitch or another rapper instead of hiring an actor
3. somewhat unrealistic like really this guy has this luxurious party going on in his hiding hole, the other guys are out on bail? but apparently free to go murdering their accomplice they won’t be suspected at all

fifty dollar axe

So i went out to hack some of the limbs off the downed tree. But i forgot that late great uncle’s axe was broken. I guess i should have remembered since i have two axe handles and use them all the time (one became a Weaver stick & the other an ant hill poker)

Anyway i bought the Lamborghini of axes, the Fiskars X27.


I have been really pleased with their sledgehammer (based on the three times​ i smashed concrete & the fifty times i got a sick forearm pump in my garage with it). Fiskars is a Finnish company that makes awesome orange/black tools. So basically Finland = unmotorized Sweden.

Btw you save a lot of money getting the Lamborghini of things like axes or staplers rather than of cars (or computers). I have an eight dollar stapler that uses special staples.  Karena mocked me but i got the last laugh as her two dollar stapler broke and she had to buy another two dollar one and not to mention has to come to me every time she needs to staple forty sheets of paper together. Hmmm…

Anyway, I came home from Lowe’s full of fantasies of my new vorpal sword of axes knocking limbs off this tree with one hit. I am after all the descendant of five generations of lumberjacks. Each stroke into the trunk of the tree would make an explosion of sawdust and wood chips temporarily obscuring me from the admiring views of Karena and the children (watching from a safe distance).


Me: did you know that Fiskars makes scissors

But i couldn’t go outside right away due to having promised to play doh with Quincy. While she monopolized the sundae making tools yet again, i read about my purchase on the internet and started to get second thoughts.

First of all, reviewers claim the axe is for “taller than average people.” I countered that in my mind by pretending that being stronger than average would make up for it (even though it doesn’t in optimal baseball bat length, pants inseams, or being attractive to women but shut up).  Second, it’s a splitting axe and not a chopping axe so it’s meant to cut with the grain of the wood.  I countered that by being reassured that the axe looked awesome and was practically as heavy as a sledgehammer so it would destroy any tree and not care which way it was facing.


Snicker-snack.  Ok a) nerd and b) that obviously took more than one hit but for once reality was pretty close to my dreams.

Edit for clarity: i rate this axe 10/10 and have not even used it for its intended purpose of splitting wood. i would take this axe with me into an axe fight (it is my only available axe but still)  now that i have this axe i will undoubtedly find other things around the yard that need hewing, chopping, splitting, cutting down, or merely brandishing an axe and glowering at.  If I could think of a way to exercise with this axe safely I would (it has a cool little cover but nah…) i’ll still store it in the garage where I lift for gazing upon and raising testosterone. When I wield this axe i may look like Gimli the dwarf but I feel like Paul Bunyan.

Coach Jr is allowed to color with Quincy because he doesn’t know enough to take the tops off the markers. Poor Kent Goom.


20170502 strengthen your wrists for advanced huery

T-nation is an abomination (yes yes not even worth picking on as Fatman continually reminds me). Their new go-to article format is like “Eight disgusting things people do at the gym” with each “thing” written by a different author. In week one they post the article. Then in weeks two thru nine, they post something like “Tip – A Disgusting Thing People do at the gym by John Romano”

Anyway of course I still read it every week because i like being outraged and it’s good blog post fodder and 1% of the time there’s an interesting or helpful article.  I took a look at this:


because it sounded dinosairish at least not the same old “how to build quads without squatting by Ben bruno” or “6 tips to build your arms by seriously just take steroids and/or gain fifty pounds you nerd – people have been writing shit like this for a hundred years do you really think how you turn your pinkies on concentration curls makes a fucking difference” sorry that’s not a real article. 

Anyway, it started off rather unpromising with the author looking like a fat? bearded hippy. And some girl to help him demonstrate who was at least pretty but not in bikini. And tips were basic like “stretch your wrist by extending your arm in front of you and pulling your fingers back with your other hand”

But then this just tucked in at the end.

Tom Morrison is amazing.



 I was bothered that obie trice was not on the detroit vs everybody track or the extended cut. May splice this in and replace some of the subpar verses



Scantily clad women = R&B

Cough syrup, Pyrex glassware, the artist appearing as baby, president or animal, or anything purple or neon = trap music

at least i can justify buying a chainsaw

my father-in-law is always warning me about various urban legends but apparently he was right about the ingredient in Roundup and I’ve had to find a new herbicide for the driveway cracks.  using ecologic which is a lovely-smelling but probably ineffective blend of cinammon and rosemary oil.

continuing to read the night ocean.  i was pleased that the author used “nonplussed” correctly (as in baffled, not unimpressed).  my other two pedantic word usage pet peeves are “peruse” (it means thoroughly examine, not browse) and “begging the question” (not able to clearly explain what it does mean – it’s something like starting an argument with an unsound premise – but it doesn’t mean “raising the question”)

One of Rex’s friends couldn’t come to the party so he came over today.

IMG_20170430_092823 fortunately there was an unfound poke-ball so he could collect a prize

Went inside because thunderstorm. quincy is ranting and raving because she is insisting that her controller is hooked up and she is winning but the boys are ignoring/making fun of her.  Coach Jr is just happy to be allowed on the couch.

during thunderstorm this happened.  luckily it didn’t block my driveway because i don’t have a chainsaw only an axe.  my inlaws have a chainsaw but they are out of town.

Rex’s cub scout battalion ran in a one mile fun run. I wasn’t there and it was one of those chipped things where you don’t find out your time until later. (From my brother and father’s experiences i am pretty sure that “adult later” = right after the race whereas “kid fun run later” = remind us and we might post it on the internet in a few days.) Karena said he did well, but…

Me: if his time was sub-10 he can continue to live here

It was 9:05. Guess he can stay. Of course i was just kidding.







Here is some music that no one will care about but me.

Atlanta lights – i enjoyed the song for several years but saw the video for the first time a week ago. The video adds quite a bit IMO

pull up wit ah stick – this is tbh a scary video but I’m jealous of some of the guns


hi hater remix – this song came out in 2009 but i am old so i never noticed till now. i can do a jadakiss laugh pretty well btw.


whatever she’s even less in touch with current hip-hop culture than me

i want candy – this was a funny episode of aqua teen hunger force. The song is great and I’ve taught Quincy a heavily censored /mostly gibberish version.i like how the rapper/demon reveals his secret plot at the end.  come on down…right next to  gentleman’s club hehehe

Corn Box

So Rex turned 10 like a month and a half ago but we have been busy so the only time we could have a birthday party for him was this weekend.  It’s hard for Quincy to understand why he should seemingly get two birthdays (since six weeks is an eternity to a toddler – i doubt she even remembers his actual birthday), and she thinks he’s turning 11.

A few days ago during lunch…

Quincy: I want to be five!!! (Followed by list of other demands: having a sixth birthday party, choosing her own age, celebrating multiple birthdays per year, etc)

Me: Fine. (Makes cross in air but with horn sign instead of hand of benediction) There you go.  You’re five.  Now eat your sandwich.

Quincy: Yay!

I recall temporarily making Rex three shortly after his fourth birthday.  It quelled his misbehavior (after some pleading i reset him to four several days later) and I guess gave me the ability to increment or decrement children’s ages at will.

It was a Pokémon-themed party.  Karena made these.


Me: They’re great honey.


oh the classic “do i look fat in this – no tell me what you really think – i want you to be honest” but i foolishly didn’t recognize it in its Pokeball guise.

Me: Well they look like they were made with love.  They are for a kid’s birthday party… All that really matters is how they taste, right?  And I’m sure they taste great.  It’s fine.  Everybody knows that they are homemade and you worked hard on them.

oh Coach.

anyway, she made 38 pokeballs for a scavenger hunt.  I made three Master Balls.


Made with love.

You got a little plastic pokemon figurine for each pokeball you found and if you found a Master Ball got a tiny Jenga set and a large candy bar (limit one Master Ball prize per child).

Also there would be some toddlers in attendance so we decided to make a cornbox.  The kids played in one for hours at the pumpkin patch (back in october i’m too lazy to find the link you can do it)  This is just like a sandbox but with corn kernels.  So generally tidier though you’re still gonna get a bit dusty and some kernels in your sock or diaper or etc depending on how vigorously you play in it.


 100 pounds of corn.  I bought 200, and that would be the correct amount if I wanted to fill the thing to the brim but I realized that this wouldn’t be optimal.


Coach Jr was a little reluctant to get in it at first but soon he was throwing handfuls of corn out of it with great abandon.

Then the older kids discovered it.  Rex has two groups of friends, one set from boy scouts and one set from jiu-jitsu.  Well, one of the boy scouts got in it and leaned back and opened his mouth and closed his eyes, and the other one poured an entire bucket of corn onto his face, completely filling his mouth.  The kid just laid there looking pleased with a mouthful of corn for about a minute.  I was the supervisory adult at the time.

Me: uh, maybe you should spit that out so you don’t get dysentery?

Eventually he did.

Kid (pointing): He put corn in my mouth.


What the area looked like about an hour after the party ended.

I don’t have any pictures of how the garage floor looked but let’s just say it got to the point that when a kid deliberately threw a handful of corn into the garage, it only elicited a mild “hey, knock it off” from me.

We probably shouldn’t have set the thing so close to the garage.  The plan was that I wouldn’t have to drag it far when the party was over; we’d securely cover it and store it in the garage for later play.

But both of us forgot about the “securely cover” part of the plan…


Me: holy shit the mice will be swimming in that thing like Scrooge McDuck in his money bin.

In the end I swept it all* up and shoveled it into a wheelbarrow and dumped it all into the muddy weedy hole in my neighbor’s yard that used to be a pond. My neighbor has given me permission to fill it up with “leaves and stuff.”   He’s never mentioned 98 pounds of corn but it’s organic and hopefully deer will eat it tonight.  Yes this is a giant waste of eight dollars of not-human-edible corn i’m sorry at least if we had used sand, stray cats could have pooped in it

*I estimate we’ll be finding corn in the house, the garage, the driveway and the yard until approximately 2023.

Karena bought the entire stock of foam nunchuks from the local dollar store.  Now it was the jiu-jitsu kids’ turn to act up.  One of them nunchakued (sp) another guy in the face because he threw a stick at him so he tackled the guy or maybe it was the other way around but someone had a bloody lip.  My father-in-law was the supervisory adult this time but for some reason they ran and told me.

Me: don’t do that again.


Poor Coach Jr could not keep up.

IMG_20170429_194921But finally got hold of a set


Promptly put eye out.

image000000_07Crying because she didn’t get to blow candles out.


Rex: You’re not five!

Quincy: Yes I am!!


Me: it’s fine i made her five.

Quincy: In December I turn six!

Me: Sure.


Me: Oh so you’ll pretend that she’s a cat or a baby cookie but she can’t be a year older?

Quincy: Dad, punish Rex and Mom for saying that I’m not five.

Karena: SEE

20170429 liftyes i know it’s the 29th

Ape Lion Head

Quincy: [Unintelligible] … and Mommy says to play with my computer or my tablet but i don’t want to play with my computer or my tablet…

Me: oh? What do you want to play with?

Quincy: You, Daddy!


Me: ooh I’m going to make a popsicle

Quincy: no you can’t (takes play doh out of my hand)

Me: why not?

Quincy: because I’M going to make a popsicle (makes ice cream sundae instead) 

x 100.  It’s fine.

We made up another song of doggerel which will hopefully please Jackman:

Your pimbies are your panties.

Your pembies are your pants

Your jembies are your jammies

And it’s time to go to dance

Your dad is ape with lion head

Your mommy is a wimp

Girls are baby cookies

And your brother is a chimp

The original final line was “your brothers both are chimps” but when Rex heard it…

Rex: You’re a dirty chimp

Quincy: ::sob::

Me: listen you started it.

Karena is not fond of the song either but I’m pretty pleased that Quincy remembered that i was a lion-headed ape.

Poor Kent Goom.

More legible and not pink.


I tried installing RemixOS on a laptop. It’s Android for a PC and now i could have all the apps from my phone with the speed of a budget laptop. Impress Hsilman and maybe chaff Celica. It hung on install twice. POS. I installed Kali Linux instead which i don’t know how to use but it’s fine.


New things are coming

so there is going to be a new way.  first will be family anecdotes and discussions of books and faulty t-nation articles and so forth.

such as The Night Ocean, recommended by Fatman started ok a little MFAish, the tone and the main characters reminded me of a New Yorker story (later found out the author writes for the New Yorker) then got quickly super homosexual. Put it down after two chapters.  I think I’ll read Charles Dexter Ward again. To clarify it’s not that homosexually bothers me. For example the unexpurgated version of on the road is better IMO. It’s just that I admire Lovecraft’s writing (except for his obnoxious racial/religious ideas obviously) and the guy lived his whole life with no one knowing if he was gay and that’s how he wanted it and now here’s a book that is about his imaginary sex life with underage male prostitutes. That’s fine i mean he’s dead and gone write what you like, just seems kinda low.


(Lines will still be drawn like this because the Android version of WordPress is bad)

(Also i will randomly switch fonts apparently)

This is a picture of Coach Jr having a tantrum because he’s overtired.


then will be workout logs like this:

^this is what my workout log usually looks like i can’t use a phone because i’ll get chalk and sweat and drink on my phone.

Then i will make a comment about anything notable. I weighed 159.8 as you may or may not be able to see. Later that day (after six and a half hours of yard work) i weighed 158.2

this is my attempt to write neatly knowing that it would be uploaded.  tomorrow it will be even more legible just u wait.


any off color humor and girlie pics will go at the bottom so shield your eyes mom

So when Karena is making dinner she’ll ask how much meat i want because she enables my odd behaviors

I don’t know why she asked that but i thought my joke was pretty good. Copyright.

Kent Goom

Coach Jr pronounces “Junior” like “Goom.” Poor Kent Goom.

Coach Jr’s sqwat morning. There was an Asian kid doing a perfect high bar squat next to him and a pic of them together would have been epic in terms of potential fitness meme but I felt weird taking a picture of someone else’s kid.

he arranges his toast crusts on the table but at least this gives me warning to seize them before he starts throwing.

The other day he pelted Karena from across the table.  

My father-in-law: he has a good arm

Me: well he spends about four hours a day throwing a frisbee at the ground


This is for a battery charger. The first question is awesome.

wt: 163.0
t/h: 61/76%
CPP: 45,100,140, 157.5, 171, 181, 185
PP: 207.5
HBPS: 235
HBS: 285
S#21: 325
S#20: 360
BPS#20: 325
Snatch: 65,95,115,120,125
Rack DL #27: 225,315,405,455
sets: 22
time: 60

Harmonic frequency: C sharp

SH: 4 min

Rye Bald


wt: 161.2
CPP: 45,100,135,155,170,180,186
HBPS: 230,280
i think i’ve had enough pausing. From now on HBS & I’m gonna bounce outta that hole. Pause.
S#19: 365
#17: 460
#15: 545
BPS #15: 535
Snatch: 65,95,105,110 um this is the only exercise i do in kilos trust me
Bench: 160 x 5, 225 x 3, 255 x 2, 280 x 4
SLDL: 225,275,285 x 4
sets: 24
time: 82
pieces of gum chewed: 10 (2 at a time)
SH: 3 min

“Take tools and tighten up n__ with loose screws”.

-Young Buck, “G-Unit – Come Up”

Feels like Hawaii goin thru this car wash.

The Spidergasm Effect

When i lifted in commercial gyms I didn’t have to deal with this. 

OTOH when i caught someone staring at me i didn’t get to beat them to death with a broom. 

I felt this album cover was important to post IOT cancel out the spider.

Wt: 163.0

CPP: 45, 95, 135, 155, 170, 180, 185

PP: 197.5 x 2

HBPS: 225, 275

S#21: 320

#20: 355

#19: 390

BPS#19: 365

Snatch: 65, 95, 120, –135– whatever

Rack DL #26: 225, 315, 405, 465

Sets: 22

Time: 65

SH: 2 min (not included in sets or time just logging it okay relax)



Another album I like that I did not listen to.

I was getting Coach Jr ready for bed and I lifted him up to the mirror. He was wearing just his diaper…

Me (pointing at mirror): You are Coach Jr. And I am Coach Sr!
Coach Jr: Kent!
Me (trying again) Baby. Dada.
Coach Jr: Nuuude!
Me: Sigh. Here, put on your pajamas. Then you won’t be nude.
Coach Jr: Coat!
Me: It’s not a coat. It’s pajamas. Can you say pajamas?
Coach Jr: …
Me: What about PJs? Jammies?
Coach Jr: …
Me: Well, what do you call this garment?
Coach Jr: Garment!
Me: fine

The next day…

Coach Jr: Garment! Garment!
Me: uh, garment

wt: 163.4

t/h: 69/72

CPP: 45, 100, 140, 160, 175, 182.5

HBPS: 270

S#21: 315

#18: 405

#16: 485

#15: 535

BPS#15: 525

Snatch: 65, 95, 115, 125, 135, 140

Bench: 155 x 5, 225 x 3, 265 x 2, 295 x 1, 310 x 1

SLDL: 225 x 4, 275 x 3, 325,355 x 2

sets: 27

time: 78


Pushrods are what my phone wants to auto correct pushups to.  I’m sure they’re a real thing and Celica and Michigan Method and other mechanically sensible individuals will find the word about as amusing as “sparkplug” but anyway, hue.  Bushhog.


When Rex wasn’t in jiu-jitsu, i insisted that he do some kind of exercise. 

Oh right, kids don’t need to do formal exercise just vigorous play. Well Rex’s idea of vigorous play was riding a bike around in slow circles while singing, or bouncing a ball off his brother’s head. 

So i tried just coaxing him through some calisthenics each evening.This usually devolved into either a) shouting b) threatening him with a homemade Weaver stick c) his sister interfering and by interfering i mean doing the exercise next to him more correctly while dressed in footie pajamas & yelling “LOOK AT ME. I DO IT!”

 He enjoyed the training sessions nonetheless but seemed to somehow be getting worse at everything, so…

Me: no dessert until you can do ten proper pushups

He didn’t believe that i knew what proper pushups were and we had a bit of discussion about that and by discussion i mean i shouted my fitness and military related accomplishments at him while punching and kicking invisible ninjas but this still failed to convince, so i read him the Army PT test instructions (from the internet not from memory ha I’m not that cool)

Anyway, finally motivated by Easter candy, he passed the test. I thought of follow up challenges like no birthday presents unless he could do ten chinups, for example, but he’s back in jiu-jitsu which is fine pay money to have strangers yell at you, choke you, and browbeat you into shape when you have a perfectly capable father at home.


wt: 164.4

yesterday: 161.8

t/h: 67/73

CPP: 45,95,135,155,170,181

Push Press: 187.5 x 3

HBPS: 265

S#19: 365

# 18: 425

#17: 455

#16: 480

#15: 505, 525

Snatch: 65,95,120,130,135,137.5

Rack DL #28: 225,315,385,435
sets: 24
time: 73

Bounce and Jope

OGs with limps
that throw keys to simps
and I don’t mean the keys
that start your whips
– Jody Breeze

i change my gang affiliation several times during each workout

wt: 163.2

t/h: 65/82

CPP: 45,105,145,165,175,180

HBPS: 260
#21: 305
#20: 350
#19: 385
#18: 415
BPS #18: 415

Snatch: 65,95,115,125,–135–, 136

idk if i’m even doing these right. when I missed 135 it wasn’t like i actually missed I just did a power snatch instead of a regular one with overhead squat

Bench: 150 x 5, 215 x 3, 260 x 2, 285 x 1, 300 x 2

SLDL: 225 x 4, 275,325 x 3

sets: 26

time: 75


Coach Jr did not want to participate in egg hunt and insisted on car.  Still found treat.

wt: 166.0

i put in my mouth 6 cinnamon rolls at 160 calories each, also 5 slices of pizza in addition to my regular non-easter food

t/h: 66/74

CPP: 45,100,140,160,172.5,178.5

PP: 185 x 1, 195 x 2

tried this with wrist wraps; it was ok

HBPS: 255
#19: 315
#17: 405
#15: 495
BPS#15: 515

Snatch: 95, –115–, 115,120

Rack DL #24: 225,315,405,495,515

sets: 22

time: 66


Me: You can find ten Easter eggs.  Leave the rest for your sister and brother.

Rex: But whyyyyyyyyyy? It’s not fair, ad infinitum


Me: Time to wash your hands for dinner, Coach Jr.  Oh wait, we oughta change your diaper first.  Okay as soon as we get you changed and wash our hands, we’ll eat…




Me: How do you want your toast cut, honey? Do you want it in eight squares (i.e. two slices of bread each cut into quarters) like Coach Jr?  Or would you like four rectangles?

Quincy: Big Squares.  Four squares.  Four long squares?

Me: I don’t know what she’s trying to say.

Karena: HOW DO YOU WANT DADDY TO CUT YOUR TOAST (explains carefully the difference between the options using numerical and geometric concepts they’ve explored together in home school)

Quincy: Eight rectangles.  Big rectangles.  Long squares.

Me: None of that makes any sense!  It’s not mathematically possible! Look there’s no time for this.  You’re being fussy – here’s your toast (bangs plate down onto table) – tear it apart with your hands into whatever shapes you want!




idk even when she has a tantrum it’s kind of cute & hard to take seriously

After Quincy whirled out of the room shrieking munchkin gibberish, Karena eventually tracked her down and solved the riddle: she wanted one piece of toast uncut, and the other cut in halves and then one of the halves halved again.

Me: Ah… toast in powers of two. That’s reasonable.

Edit: dammit Michigan method nailed it, I should have said Fibonacci toast. I was gonna title the post Binary Toast but that wasn’t it either.

Wt: 161.4

t/h: 66/73

CPP: 45,95,135,155,170,177.5

HBPS: 250
#21: 300
#20: 345
#19: 380
BPS#19: 355

Snatch: 65,95,115,125,130,135

reached the elusive goal of lifting as much as a 9 year old Chinese girl

Bench: 145×5, 205×4, 255 x 2, 277.5 x 4

at least I probably have her beat on bench

SLDL: 225,280 x 4

sets: 23 we started counting warmup sets now. it will no doubt screw up your spreadsheets at home as well as the number of megahertz i lift but I’ll at least get more bass out of the speakers.

time: 74 not including hiding eggs at five AM

The McGee Family


Conehead McGee (right) and his hideous wife Cutehead McGee

* Edit: Quincy says that Cutehead is actually Conehead’s baby daughter. Hopefully readers will forgive my mistake. Their relative sizes caused my confusion.

wt: 162.4

t/h: 64/72%

CPP: 45,95,120,145,160,170,–177.5—

PP: 185 x 3

HBPS: 245
S#21: 295
#20: 340
#19: 375
#18: 410
BPS #18: 405

Snatch: 65,95,120,125,130

Rack DL #28: 225,315,405
Rack DL #28+: 405

(28+ = three mats under bar bc #28 the lowest pin position is still a good bit off the ground)

time: 75

sets: 16

Reading The Upside of Irrationality – is good so far.

Don’t want to get into a Biblical blog battle but I was kind of pleased that Rex and Karena both decided they didn’t want to eat meat yesterday…

Pizza Stomach


Coach Jr spends a good portion of his day dully observing the follies of his elders.

Quincy was playing with a wooden pizza cutter.

Me: an ab wheel, huh?

Quincy: ?

Me: you roll it over your tummy to make lines.  Like this. (Rolls pizza cutter over abdomen). Feel my tummy. (Puts her hand on top of my shirt) Can you feel the lines?

Quincy: Yes! I want to try! (seizes pizza cutter)

Me: Just roll gently. And never use an actual pizza cutter.

Quincy lifts shirt to examine the results.

Quincy: Did it work?

Me: Yes dear i can totally see the lines.

Quincy: Yay! Now i want to try it on mommy.

Karena is sitting on the bed.

Karena: UM…

Me: 😀

Quincy: it’s not working i don’t feel any lines

Karena: 😡

Quincy: maybe I’m doing it wrong

At this point she moved the pizza cutter up and rolled it between Karena’s uh bosom

Quincy: There you go mommy, now you have a line.

wt: 161.4

t/h: 64/75%

base calories: 2250 (+10)

days in a row i’ve had to kill a large insect during workout hours: 3

CPP: 45,115,145,165,176 (13 min)

HBPS: 240
S#21: 290
S#20: 335
BPS#20: 315

Snatch: 65,95,115,120,–125–, 125 ahhhahaha sigh

BP: 140 x 5, 190 x 4, 235 x 3, 275 x 1, 295 x –3–2

Rack DL #27: 225,315,405,445

sets: 19

Time: 73

frequency: kenneth?

Toilet trees

Quincy: i want to put this in the money machine!


Quincy (suddenly uninterested): i don’t know.

Sigh. He calls it a “hat”. Like tinky-winky calls his purse a “bag.” Although TBF (cowboyguy: to be fair) he declares “hat” whenever he puts something on his head including, once, a pair of underpants from the laundry basket.

Yesterday i was talking to Quincy and she asked me the difference between silly and goofy.

Me: Silly is when you try to push a car with a noodle. Goofy is when you try to push a car with a noodle – and you think that it will move.

I thought that was pretty good for a spur of the moment answer especially while i was trying to buckle her into her car seat. She didn’t really listen to the answer so I’ll share it with you.

Rereading Getting things done (2015 edition). I appreciate it much more this time around. Before i kind of saw it as “straightening your desk and files to the nth degree before you start on your actual work”. But now I realize that is a simplistic and cynical interpretation.

wt: 161.6

WU: 45,110,140,160,175 (16 min)

HBPS: 235
S#21: 285
S#20: 330
S#19: 370
S#18: 405
S#17: 435
S#16: 460
S#15: 485
BPS #15: 505

Note to self don’t do nine sets of squats if you’re planning to bench but only have an hour to work out.

Snatch: 65,95,105,115,120

120 was slightly challenging which both delighted and depressed me. I might not have done snatches today except Celicas frivolous comment from yesterday motivated me

SLDL: 225 x 4, 275 x 3, 315,350 x 2

sets: 18

time: 68

Your Baby Can Raed

I know it’s uncool to boast about your kids’ achievements especially when they are academic. But:

1. This whole blog is basically focused on me boasting about things i lifted in my garage

2. Due to the rude noises, the cursing, the churlish table manners, the general shlubbiness, the food throwing, (& future career as Senator), Coach Jr has a reputation as the Bluto Blutarsky of babies. He gets called names like “poor old fathead,” “baby Sam” “dirty dog” and etc. He is often cruelly prevented from doing activities he enjoys like eating leaves, walking into the road, and climbing the stairs by himself.


yes he has toast in his hair.

3. I consider this a notable achievement as he broke the family record for learning to read stuff (20 months)



Folly/Outrage of the day: The VA didn’t send me my allergy medicine so I had to call and plead with them. Went without for a few days but no symptoms. Got new 90 ct bottle and didn’t start taking them right away since I proved that I no longer have allergies and had cured myself by i guess taking spirulina and being magical. After about 3 days of this, developed serious allergy symptoms and recontinued medicine fortunately did not boast to Karena about my brush with imperviousness. This morning I spilled the entire bottle of ~85 pills on the not-super-clean kitchen floor. Picked them all up and put them back in the bottle except for seven or eight which I threw away because they’d rolled under the lip of the cabinet where I judged the most microbes were. Did not adhere to “5 second rule” because it was kind of dark and the pills are tiny. I think I got them all and I did sweep and they’re not like strychnine or anything but I told Karena anyway just in case because Coach Jr always has an eye out for tasty morsels people have left on the floor for him.


TBH I’m too embarassed about wasting taxpayer dollars. Will eat my dirty pills and suffer consequences if any. (brb will probably be hospitalized at much greater expense)

wt: 163.2

base cal: 2230 (-10)

t/h: 63/71

WU: 45,105,135,155,165,172.5 (14 min)

PP: 185,195,205

failed with 205 but gave it another push and it went up

HBPS: 230
S#21: 280
#20: 325
#19: 365
#18: 395
BPS #18: 385

Snatch: 65,85,95,100,105,115

current snatch level: high school freshman’s second workout. Idk I think it’s good to do something that you’re not great at but you enjoy and you don’t have to worry about ever being very good.

Rack DL #25: 225,315,405,460,495

sets: 20

time: 64

efficiency: 3.2 the lower the better hang on this is really time per set hang on this includes the time for warmup sets but not those sets it’s ok. i’m a man of science.

efficiency coefficient (sets/time): 0.313, um volts i like to say coefficient. also “leisure” in the British pronunciation

Delegation of Authority


Me: Now if I could just train Coach Jr to shriek at Rex everytime he caught him slacking off [while stick picking] I could go inside and watch TV and drink beer.


When I was looking at this pic on my computer screen, I realized what was going through the kids’ heads:  Rex wishes he was Quincy – playing with Coach Jr instead of working.  Quincy wishes she was a baby like Coach Jr and could be pushed around in his little car.  And Coach Jr wishes he was Rex and got to pull that wagon*.

*you kind of have to trust me on the last one – Coach Jr likes to “help” and by help I mean when Rex pulls the wagon he grabs it and trundles along getting in the way.

wt: 163.2

t/h: 60/64%

WU: 45,100,140,155,165,171 (16 min)

HBPS: 225
S#21: 275
#20: 320
BPS #20: 265,295

Bench: 135 x 5, 195 x 4, 245 x 3, 275 x 4

Snatch: 45×2, 65,70,75,80,85,90,95 x 1

yes pounds.  finally made it to the medium bumper plates now i don’t feel like a child any more – I’ve progressed to an adult female beginner level. no for srs it was just something to do in between bench press and squat sets; you could say my form is less than impeccable.

sets: 17

time: 66

efficiency: 3.88

efficiency is time/sets. i’m a big fan of meaningless statistics.