Pimpkin

Quincy, Rex, and Karena going around talking about Pimpkins. Turns out they mean Pikmins (from the video game with Olimar)


Coach Jr was very amused at Quincy tearing leaves off this bush. 


Playing some sort of cake making game that he doesn’t understand but is happy to just be included.

——–

Wt: 161.8

Lifted. I guess the highlight was 465 deadlift off pins and lowlight was missing 211 push press.

It’s much easier to enter workout logs like this. Next I’ll have Rex type it up and save even more time

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Posted partly because Coach Jr looks cute with his little Easter bucket but mostly cause vainly (pun) pleased with forearm development.


This was taken on a day when Karena and Rex were at a boy scout thing. I was gonna take the littles to the playground but it started to rain, so i invited us over to my in-laws house. My FIL put on this video. It’s extremely important to Quincy. Here my FIL was trying to tell me a story about crab fishing but Quincy is outraged because we’re not paying proper attention and respect to the video. Coach Jr stares dully.


Reading a Jim Thompson book. Reminds me a little of Bukowski but grimmer so the jury is still out.


I have made an important discovery: The Men at Work song “the land down under”  is about hell and not Australia as is commonly believed.


Let me tell you who suck, like banana Now and Laters

~ The Game (92 Bars)


Scout Leader: Why aren’t you a boy scout leader?  You were the army weren’t you?

Me: do you know the difference between a hunter and a butcher?

Ape Lion Head

Quincy: [Unintelligible] … and Mommy says to play with my computer or my tablet but i don’t want to play with my computer or my tablet…

Me: oh? What do you want to play with?

Quincy: You, Daddy!

Reward:

Me: ooh I’m going to make a popsicle

Quincy: no you can’t (takes play doh out of my hand)

Me: why not?

Quincy: because I’M going to make a popsicle (makes ice cream sundae instead) 

x 100.  It’s fine.

We made up another song of doggerel which will hopefully please Jackman:

Your pimbies are your panties.

Your pembies are your pants

Your jembies are your jammies

And it’s time to go to dance

Your dad is ape with lion head

Your mommy is a wimp

Girls are baby cookies

And your brother is a chimp

The original final line was “your brothers both are chimps” but when Rex heard it…

Rex: You’re a dirty chimp

Quincy: ::sob::

Me: listen you started it.

Karena is not fond of the song either but I’m pretty pleased that Quincy remembered that i was a lion-headed ape.

Poor Kent Goom.

More legible and not pink.

——–

I tried installing RemixOS on a laptop. It’s Android for a PC and now i could have all the apps from my phone with the speed of a budget laptop. Impress Hsilman and maybe chaff Celica. It hung on install twice. POS. I installed Kali Linux instead which i don’t know how to use but it’s fine.

—–

New things are coming

so there is going to be a new way.  first will be family anecdotes and discussions of books and faulty t-nation articles and so forth.

such as The Night Ocean, recommended by Fatman started ok a little MFAish, the tone and the main characters reminded me of a New Yorker story (later found out the author writes for the New Yorker) then got quickly super homosexual. Put it down after two chapters.  I think I’ll read Charles Dexter Ward again. To clarify it’s not that homosexually bothers me. For example the unexpurgated version of on the road is better IMO. It’s just that I admire Lovecraft’s writing (except for his obnoxious racial/religious ideas obviously) and the guy lived his whole life with no one knowing if he was gay and that’s how he wanted it and now here’s a book that is about his imaginary sex life with underage male prostitutes. That’s fine i mean he’s dead and gone write what you like, just seems kinda low.

———-

(Lines will still be drawn like this because the Android version of WordPress is bad)

(Also i will randomly switch fonts apparently)

This is a picture of Coach Jr having a tantrum because he’s overtired.

———————–

then will be workout logs like this:

^this is what my workout log usually looks like i can’t use a phone because i’ll get chalk and sweat and drink on my phone.

Then i will make a comment about anything notable. I weighed 159.8 as you may or may not be able to see. Later that day (after six and a half hours of yard work) i weighed 158.2

this is my attempt to write neatly knowing that it would be uploaded.  tomorrow it will be even more legible just u wait.

———-

any off color humor and girlie pics will go at the bottom so shield your eyes mom

So when Karena is making dinner she’ll ask how much meat i want because she enables my odd behaviors


I don’t know why she asked that but i thought my joke was pretty good. Copyright.

Toilet trees

Quincy: i want to put this in the money machine!

Karena: WHAT IS THE MONEY MACHINE

Quincy (suddenly uninterested): i don’t know.

Sigh. He calls it a “hat”. Like tinky-winky calls his purse a “bag.” Although TBF (cowboyguy: to be fair) he declares “hat” whenever he puts something on his head including, once, a pair of underpants from the laundry basket.


Yesterday i was talking to Quincy and she asked me the difference between silly and goofy.

Me: Silly is when you try to push a car with a noodle. Goofy is when you try to push a car with a noodle – and you think that it will move.

I thought that was pretty good for a spur of the moment answer especially while i was trying to buckle her into her car seat. She didn’t really listen to the answer so I’ll share it with you.


Rereading Getting things done (2015 edition). I appreciate it much more this time around. Before i kind of saw it as “straightening your desk and files to the nth degree before you start on your actual work”. But now I realize that is a simplistic and cynical interpretation.



wt: 161.6

WU: 45,110,140,160,175 (16 min)

HBPS: 235
S#21: 285
S#20: 330
S#19: 370
S#18: 405
S#17: 435
S#16: 460
S#15: 485
BPS #15: 505

Note to self don’t do nine sets of squats if you’re planning to bench but only have an hour to work out.

Snatch: 65,95,105,115,120

120 was slightly challenging which both delighted and depressed me. I might not have done snatches today except Celicas frivolous comment from yesterday motivated me

SLDL: 225 x 4, 275 x 3, 315,350 x 2

sets: 18

time: 68

Rude Tudor

JC Penneys is done.  I called this two years ago as Karena and my dad can confirm.  They’re squeezed between Walmart/Target, dollar stores, the Internet, and expensive designer/luxury goods (often available on the internet too). I’m sure more astute observers could have predicted it fifteen years ago.  Today they closed a bunch of stores.  This saves them $200 million.  Generally it’s a good sign when a business opens more locations => expands.  It’s only a matter of time before JC Penney realizes that they should extrapolate this trend and close all their locations and save even more money.


 

 


Jim Brown’s kufi doesn’t have a ladybug on the top but he probably didn’t steal his from his sister either.


3/21/17

Wt: 164

T/h: 60/75%

CGB: 300×2

HBPS: 315,325×1

BTN: 135,145 x 3

SGDL: 405,430 x 1

SH: 2 min

Time: 87


Villain profile: Eric “Rude” Tudor aka Fart Buttsmith

Voice: me imitating a guy doing a bad English accent

 Eric Tudor is the host of the Rude Tudor comedy hour, a popular children’s TV program in Townsville. (Think Krusty the Clown meets Terrence and Phillip).  But his aspirations go beyond being a flatulent buffoon.  He dreams of utilizing his Shakespearean training and one day owning his own theatre. Finally fed up with the lowbrow tastes of the citizens of Townsville, he disguises himself as a clown (yes the costume from his show), adopts the supervillain moniker of Fart Buttsmith and begins robbing banks. (Indicative of either his acting powers or the ineptitude of the Townsville police force, it takes the intellectual might of Bookman to deduce his true identity)

Slop Spillman

Outrage of the day: changing lawnmower oil requires a PVC tube.  You attach it to the oil drain plug like an upside-down J,and this drains the oil into the bucket/pan of your choosing – instead of the oil dripping onto the frame of the mower on its way down.  Kept this stupid tube in my garage for what seemed like years, seeing it everyday & forgetting what it was for – but I know I didn’t throw it out.   When it was time to do oil change of course the tube hid.  At Lowes couldn’t find the size of the tube I needed on the internet (only replacements for $15) so I just estimated and bought one that was about the size i remembered for idk 79 cents.

Makeshift tube was better than nothing but still spilled some oil.  Went to get extra rags from other garage – and found original tube.


Karena: REX HAS HOMEWORK AND OTHER CHORES TO DO.

Me: I swear the only yardwork I gave him was to pick up a couple of sticks.

Karena: WELL HE’S BEEN OUT THERE ALL DAY I DON’T UNDERSTAND


notice how he says NUDE for no apparent reason in the middle

Edit: the weird “oh” sound i make is not a burp it’s my vocalization of Coach Jrs frequent vacant contemplative looks. It’s become a habit; now i just do it randomly (though afaik at least only when I’m around him)


wed 3/15/17

Wt: 166.4

Karena made Oreo pie for Rex’s birthday. one slice has 884 calories. She got mad at me for telling her this.

CPP: 185,190 x 2

BPS #16: 465 x 1

Time: 60

Obviously i did more than this in terms of multiple warmup sets but NCBY. Have become fond of muscle cleans as a start-the-workout kind of thing.


3/16/17

Wt: 164.6

CGB: 225,235,245,255,265 x 4

HBPS: 225,245,265,275,285,290 x 1

SGDL: 305,345 x 3


3/17/17

Wt: 165.2 parents are visiting; Karena made another pie; people keep taking us out to dinner

CPP: 195 x 1

BPS #16: 475 x 1

SLDL: 300 x 3

time: 69


3/19/17

wt: 166.8 parents have left now returning to regular diet of spinach and misery instead of cake and steak

CGB: 275,280,285 x 3

HBPS: 295,300,305,310 x 1

SGDL: 350,380 x 2

time: 79


Villain profile – Slop Spillman

Background: born Sam Spillman, he was the victim of neglect by his rich parents, who were too busy working, using the internet, and getting divorced to toilet train him.

Consequently he was an outcast at his high school, nicknamed Slop Spillman. Despondent after yet another day of mockery and rejection, he had an extended and hilarious accident that involved getting restaurant garbage dumped on him, being pursued by a pack of stray cats, hiding in a portapot which was emptied with him in it, sitting on a freshly painted park bench, being covered with flour that fell out of a truck, and falling into a sewer.

When Sam climbed out of the sewer, a mysterious old man was waiting. The kindly man helped him get cleaned up, gave him a place to stay, and built him a super-suit which could amplify his natural odors and emissions to horrific levels.

But this old man (really the Bookworm in disguise) expected to be repaid. He talked Slop into doing him a small favor – walking into the Townsville jewelry store in his superhero costume.  Once inside, the Bookworm remote controlled Slop’s suit to release incapacitating amounts of fart gas, knocking the employees unconscious.  The Bookworm (wearing a gasmask) then appeared on the scene and robbed the store.

After the robbery, Sam/Slop was then confronted with a moral dilemma.  Should he turn himself into the authorities and reveal the whereabouts of the bookworm?  Or should he give a bunch of stolen jewelry to the girl he is in love with in order to impress her?

Punch Drunkman

Rented Seven Wonders board game. Was pretty great. Don’t plan on buying but maybe for future Karena present.

But recently I’ve discovered the ultimate two player game without Hsilman’s help.  It is inexpensive, quick to setup, you can select the game length, and there’s no shortage of people who know how to play.  You can even do it with a computer but it’s not as fun.  I taught Karena how and at first she was reluctant but now you could almost say she enjoys it.  Ok I’m setting you up for a lame sex joke but it’s just chess.

I used to be really interested in chess (ca 2007).  I read some books on it, and learned about openings, and then went home and played my brother who afaik knows nothing about it.  He promptly trounced me 2 games in a row and I quit.  Nothing like spending time getting better at something that you should be good at naturally being a mathematically-tactically-strategically inclined thoughtful sort – and then finding out that you are actually worse than terrible.

Rex recently had a chess tournament at school.  He reached the semifinals

Me: You don’t even know how to play.

Rex: Yes I do!

Me: Then explain castling.

Rex: You’re making that up!

But I played him…and he won.  True I was distracted by Coach Jr and I have won our last 11 games.  Probably was good that he won though to build confidence

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When you’re single/childless, Daylight Savings Time is unequivocally bad as you lose an hour of sleep.  The reverse is true of its ending.  When you have kids though, both extremes are blunted as they don’t know about it so in the spring they at least sieep in (and in the fall you don’t get your extra hour of sleep because they wake up at the crack of dawn)

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Villain Profile: Punch Drunkman

Teased for his childhood shyness and fear of public speaking, he became a bully and dropped out of school.  His promising boxing career derailed due to alcoholism, he became a street thug, specializing in punching his victims in the head and rifling their pockets (after uttering his catchphrase).

Catchphrase: I’M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT…HIT! (yes he actually yells hit when he hits you, yes this is totally telegraphing)

Voice sounds like: Me yelling.

Superpowers: Punching.  Drinking.

IMG_20170305_181421.jpg


Sun 3/12/17

Wt: 162.6

T/h: 46/75

CGB: 255,265,275,282.5 x 3

HBPS: 275,295,300,305 x 1

BTN: 145,147.5,150,152.5 x 2

SLDL: 295,310,320,330 x 2

SH: 4:15

Time: 86

—–

Mon 3/13/17

wt: 161.8

t/h: 48/68

CPP: 145,155,165,175,180 x 3

BPS #16: 455 x 1

SGDL: 385,405,425 x 1

SH: 5:00

time: 81

 

Pi and Powerman

Raspberry pi update

Our initial project was a retro game console. Strangely Rex wasn’t really interested in this so i finished it myself just to see it through.

Karena was pretty impressed, though…

Karena: CAN YOU PUT PAC MAN ON IT. ALSO QBERT

But since i bought the thing to a) teach Rex “computer stuff” b) work on projects with him; i dismantled the arcade, burned Raspbian onto the sd card and got him started doing Minecraft pi. Which he seems a lot fonder of despite having some initial difficulties*

* Funny only to nerds: he was typing his Python program into the terminal and hitting enter after each line


Rex Powerman/Bookman graphic novel/animated TV show coming out in uh, February

Villain#1: The Bookworm

Talks like: the monarch from venture brothers

Profile: criminal mastermind. Can build robots and weapons. And robotic weapons. Thinks he can eat books (he can’t really; i mean he’ll do it to show off but eating paper is pretty awful). Bent on the destruction of all books. Ruined every volume in the First National Library in Townsville.

Catchphrase: Because…I’m the bookwoooorm!

(Okay this isn’t much of a catchphrase, i know, but if you say it every third sentence it kind of is unique. And also fun)

Sneak preview of episode one…

The Bookworm: Hahaha! I’ll eat every book in this library… Because I’m the bookwoooorm!

Bookman crashes through wall in the Bookmobile (armored van disguised as lame lending library)

Bookman: Books are for reading, not for eating!


3/10/17

wt: 164.6

t/h: 60/82%

CGB: 305,310,315 x 1

HBPS: 245,255,265,275,285 x 1

BTN: 127.5,132.5,137.5,142.5 x 3

SLDL: 265,275,285,295 x 3

SH

time: 80


Sat 3/11

Wt: 163.0

T/h: 50/63

CPP: 190 x 1

BPS #16: 450 x 1

SGDL: 345,355,365,375 x 2

Reverse curl: 65 x 10

SH

Time: 72


Sledgehammer pro tip: don’t hammer concrete that’s under a thin layer of dirt. You will get dirty – all at once.

Visigothic History Month

…was going to start today as petty retaliation for having to attend children’s performance in Black History Month play at MIL’s church.

coronarecesvinto01

Proof that Rex is a Visigothic name

Rex was Frederick Douglass. Quincy was a reluctant Laila Ali and more reluctant (and though this is probably super offensive to say – adorable) slave, picking cotton balls off floor of aisle.

Me (week prior to performance): Frederick Douglass, huh? That’s cool. I’m reading his autobiography.

Karena: REALLY

Me: Well, i downloaded it.

Karena: …

Me (defensively): I read a John Brown biography a few years ago!

Karena: HMM

Shaaaame.

So i decided to create Visigothic History Month to give me some ethnic pride and force others to learn about my culture.

don_pelayo

Pelagius of Asturias is a mouthful so his friends called him Don Pelayo.

Me: Happy Visigothic History Month. Did you know that in 722, Pelagius of Asturias defeated the Moors at the Battle of Covadonga? It marks the start of the Reconquista!

Karena: GO AWAY

Later…

Me: I’ve decided to postpone the start of Visigothic History Month until August.

Karena: …

Me: Because that’s the month in 410 AD when Alaric I sacked Rome.

Karena: GO AWAY. YOU’RE ANNOYING.

It’s fine. People have been telling the Visigoths to go away for almost two thousand years.

visigoth_migrations


My grandma (like Karena, only Visigothic by marriage) got a phone call (on her rotary dial phone). BTW my grandma lives on top of a mountain in the most desolate place in the Eastern United States.

Caller: grandma, i need help I’m in the Bahamas and my wallet got stolen and etc

Not my grandma

For some reason my grandma thought it was me (as opposed to my brother who likes to go, and is 1000 x more likely to go to the Bahamas for example he went to Aruba for honeymoon and recently took business trip to Florida although the recent birth of Antonio will probably slow down this wanderlust)

Grandma: oh my goodness. What is target? What is gift card? How can money go through a wire? Now i have heard of Western Union. But they wouldn’t come up the mountain here in the winter. We once had a nice man with a horse…. He was friends with your great uncle Johnny. Well, your father’s great uncle he would have been… Did you get the newspaper clippings I sent you? We’ve been getting so much snow here… Oh my the Bahamas that’s so exciting. But what about Karena and the children?  I got Quincy’s Valentine card by the way. It was adorable…

(Several minutes later)

Grandma: …who is this again?

Caller (patiently): Your grandson, uh… Couch.

Fortunately my name is hard to pronounce correctly. She called the sheriff (my great great uncle Johnny’s friend who still rides that horse but i doubt has jurisdiction in Nigeria)


Tuesday, 2/28/17

wt: 161.8

t/h: 58/83%

CGB: 280,285,290,295 x 2

HBPS: 285,295,305,310 x 1

BTN: 125,130,135,140 x 3

SLDL: 275,280,285 x 3

time: 1:07


Wed, 3/1/17

wt: 161.8 iron will fist of steel month concluded with me buying two bags of Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Lindor Truffles on clearance from Walmart for a buck a bag but not eating any because it would have put me over my calorie limit for the day. The other members of my family were not as disciplined so i hid the rest of them

t/h: 63/93%

CPP: tried some muscle cleans for Celica got up to 95 idk it was fun 140,150,160,170 x 3

Squat warmup to 365

BPS #17: 395,405,415 x 1

BPS #16: 425 x 1

SGDL: 305,315,325 x 3

PU55 x 11

time: 1:02

 

Official Seven Segment Alphabet Standard

7 segment alphabet.png

Presenting the official universal standard.  As many as five different versions of the difficult letters (KMQVWX) were floating around out there.  Lowercase variants were chosen where applicable, however S and Z are uppercase and the same as 5 and 2; it’s fine.

Copyright of the “ruInchrIStMAS alphabet” is pending.  Violations of the standards will be reported to the appropriate authority.

Note to Spanish speakers:  ñ is possible by illuminating bar A.

Boom! Outta Here

Or sometimes “outta here, boom!” This is useful in about 90% of all parenting situations.   Chances are, if you have a child, it needs to be somewhere else.  If, by chance, it is where it is supposed to be, eventually it will need to be someplace else.  Then you can say “Boom! Outta here!” and point – or if they’re small and/or obstinate – just put them in the new place.

“Stop rubbing your butt with your Kindle” was a phrase I used yesterday.  I made this meme up instead of stealing it from the Jim Rome show, but it is only useful in about %0.00000000017 of parenting situations.


Learning nothing from my sink fiasco, Karena decided she wanted to put shelves in some our low kitchen cabinets.  First, she took  all the pots, pans, cutting boards, colanders, etc out and stacked them on the counters.  Then she painted the inside of the cabinets.  Next, she peeled off all the wallpaper in our bathroom.

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I don’t know much about home improvement but something about step #3 seems odd.


11/28/16 – Monday

wt: unknown.  by the time i get all my clothes on in the morning and then go downstairs to use the bathroom i forget that the scale is upstairs (not under that mess – it’s in my closet) but I’m not going back up to get it and then bringing it down and getting undressed again so it may be a while before I find out how much I weigh

t/h: 55/68

CGB: 245,255,265 x 2

MRS: 325,335,345,355 x 1

BTN: 111 x 6; 112.5,113.5,115 x 3

SGD: 335,345,355,365 x 1

WSF: 4.25 x 5

time: 0:52

Bookman

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In the Rex Powerman mythology there is a Rex alterego/Mary Sue character i made for Rex named Bookman (pronounced bookmin not Book Man).  Bookman is a mild-mannered, sensible type (compare to Powerman who is insane) who is cooler than SuperWhy because in addition to the “power” of reading (unimpressive since almost everyone can do it in RL) he also throws books at villains. Smaller books he throws really fast iot give the enemies painful paper cuts.  For a big boss, he’ll throw the OED which if someone could actually throw that with velocity accuracy and distance, it would be awesome.


Before the drum machine, Coach Jr’s favorite toy was a series of rubber squeaky books.

Me: He’s eating his words, hehehe.

Me: He’s reating – get it? – it’s a portmanteau of read and eat!

Karena: SIGH


I don’t know, i have tons of things to say about these books but then when i get down to it, I’m suddenly lazy. i mean, what’s the point?  If you want to know more about the book, read the reviews on Amazon. If you disagree with my two word assessments or still have questions I’ll be glad to argue with you or address your concerns in the comments.

Grit – amazing. Worth buying.

Steven pressfield “motivational” series (war of art, do your work, turning pro) – these are really good and profound but a bit thin, so i wouldn’t pay more than five bucks for one.

God’s debris by Scott Adams – enjoyable.

How to succeed while failing at everything (i think that’s the name but too lazy to verify; also by Scott Adams) – good, has some insights in it but i was a little self-improvemented out after ego is the enemy, grit, and the pressfield ones.

The obstacle is the way – also self improvemented out, I’ll give it another chance later

I’m lying to you (unsure exact title; Ryan Holiday) – interesting but depressing because unlike other “there’s a problem with society” books he offers no solutions

Ask the dust – got bored, maybe later

Reading a Bobby Fischer bio, endgame, it’s great so far

Ants in Pants II

I forgot to post about this yesterday even though it was leaf blower-related.  A similar incident happened a year or so ago* but I’m too lazy to go back and check and when i searched for “ants” it came back with so many hits because apparently I’m obsessed with them but you’ll understand why maybe:

Anyway was taking the leaf blower for a practice run and using the vacuum function to suck up a big pile of pine needles and chop them into i guess smaller bits of pine needles since the bag wasn’t attached.  But I was standing in an anthill and the bastards were all the way up to my knee.  I was wearing boots and long socks and jeans but I could feel them at least psychosomatically so I ran to the shed but it was locked so I fumbled with the key while doing a little dance, then remembered the ant poison was in a different garage (one of the pitfalls of being wealthy in outbuildings) so I sprinted back and got it and doused my leg and boot which of course now the ants were still alive just 90% were now frenzied and writhing and still would live for ten more minutes and I’m sure this is a violation of the label application so I took off my pants and boots and socks while still continuing to hop about.  My garage door was open and I expected to hear somebody call out NUUUDE but there was nobody home so I threw the clothes on the garage floor so Karena could find them and laugh at me later and went in and changed. But no stings.  They got the agent orange til the yard was knee deep in suds and ant bits.

*In case I actually didn’t mention this last time it happened was even more odd/hilarious to anyone secretly filming my life since I was with a barely walking Quincy way in the back yard and had to shed my pants and sneakers and keep her out of the ant hill and then come running inside, carrying her while she struggled and cried because she wanted to play outside more.


rex-scoresheet-201608This is from August.  When we play family games I usually keep score.  I sometimes annoy Rex (and by proxy Karena) by giving people hilarious nicknames, or drawing rude pictures.   My favorite thing to do is make a 3, then a series of very small sideways 8s coming out of it, which gives Rex a fit because it looks like a butt pooping but I can claim to a skeptical, irritated Karena that I’m just doing math.

Anyway I agreed to play some game only if Rex and I could both keep score.

Karena: THIS IS MONOPOLY DEAL – YOU DON’T EVEN NEED A SCORE SHEET

Me: It will help his fine motor skills.

So basically we just drew “good” stuff in our own column (I removed the names but I’m Bimbo, Karena is Orange and Rex is Winning.) Then when someone offended us, or we just thought it would be funny, we put an insulting picture in theirs.  I’m not sure why bread is bad, btw.  Also, that face in his column is supposed to be him, which I couldn’t stop laughing about and duplicated exactly on my sheet. The original game is pretty damn awesome (house rule is 4 monopolies btw).  Our version took 3x as long to play but was 8x as fun (not to Karena who did a lot of sighing and subsequently became the all-time scorekeeper in all games).

 

The Art of Rex

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After the peaches incident, my mother-in-law taught Rex to draw people.  Posting the results since it’s well-known that the worlds foremost thinkers in Freudian psychology, early education, subversive political cartooning, and advanced huery are readers of this blog.


Skimmed through Influence by Robert Cialdini because Dilbert persuaded me to.  It was interesting but because it’s kinda old a lot of the tricks were obvious.  Or I’m just clever and cynical and special.  You choose.  Gonna try to get a copy of Pre-Suasion and see if it’s better.


wt: 169.8

t/h: 51F/68%

CGB: 225,235,245,255 x 2

MRS: 315,325,335,345 x 1

BTN: 138.5,140,141 x 1

SGD: 315,325,335,345,355 x 1

OHS: 115 x 10

SH/WS

time: 1:02

Helping the hungry is hard. Hue.

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Above (actual caption): Hurngy People want food and we’re going to give them some.

What that’s supposed to a be a picture of: a can of peaches (drawn with a medieval disregard for perspective).

Ominous backwoods Southern voice: They want food, huh? Well we’re some gonna give them…hard and fast, heh heh.

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Actual label caption: Peaches yum

what this looks like to me: “Peaches y cum,” (one of Goya’s less successful products.)

Karena put up all the boy scout food drive posters except this one, which is so special that it’s going up in my office where no one can see it ever.

Rex is excellent at math.

Cat Father

For the last eight months my daughter Quincy has been a cat.

Me: Go potty before we leave.

Quincy: It’s a litter box!

Me: Sigh. Fine. Litter box.  Make sure to wash your ha…paws.

Quincy: Meow!

Unfortunately she does not kill mice.  I paid eight bucks for two of these:

tomcat2

Karena: YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST BOUGHT ONE OF THE CARTOON ONES THAT SNAP. THEY COST LIKE TEN CENTS.

But like the woman in the picture I am tidy and dainty and slender and sexy and don’t want mice splattered all over the place.

Of course the stupid expensive thing didn’t work so Karena laughed at my folly and laughed again when I snapped my finger three times in the cheap one which of course killed the mouse that very night.

Quincy: I don’t like fish.

Me: Cats love to eat fish.

Quincy: Yum, yum.  Purr.

Rex: You’re not a cat!

Me: Yes she is.  Now shut up and eat your fish and stop being a dreamcrusher.

Why is she a cat?  It is probably due to my influence:  I love cats and have mistrusted dogs since my uncle’s German Shepherd knocked me down when I was five.  I wouldn’t say that I hate dogs, or that I’m terrified of them.  I guess I would compare my attitude toward dogs to my attitude towards convicted murderers: Ideally they are kept chained up and/or far away from me, but if a relative or close friend vouches for one, I’ll warily endure its presence.

catdog1

catdog2

Above: Instilling my predjudices in my child.

img_20161010_190913.jpg

Left to right: Karena, Quincy, Me (in lawnmower)

Animals sense my attitude towards them and don’t bother to conceal their true natures:

Dog owner: This is Spot.  He’s an Africanized Gnawing Hound (or something equally preposterous). They are known for caring for orphans.

Me (backing up slightly): Uh, hello. Nice dog?

Spot (snarling, straining at leash, foaming at mouth): RRRR!*

Dog owner: I’m so sorry!  He’s not normally like this!  Please can you go somewhere else, the leash is tearing the skin from my hand!

* Translation: “I’m going to finish what that German Shepherd started”

Cat owner: We have a cat but I doubt it will come out while you’re here.  It’s my wife’s and it doesn’t even like to be around her.

Cat: Mew* (jumps on my lap)

Cat owner: What the hell – do you have fish in your pocket or something?

*Translation: “Greetings.  The extraordinary sensory powers my race is endowed with enables me to detect that you are kind and have led a good life.”

Being a cat has other advantages for Quincy:

Random woman at Walmart:  Ooh, you are so cute!  You’re just a little princess, aren’t you?

Quincy: Meow.

I mean what else is she supposed to say to that?

My parents encourage this craziness:  My mom writes her letters from their cat.  My dad built her this “cat barn”:

cat barn.jpg

Fortunately, he was wise enough not to call it a “cat house”

The other members of the family are sometimes animals too, according to Quincy.  Rex is a “dirty dog,” although she’s not allowed to call him that.  Coach Jr is a “dirty bird” (“He wets the nest”).

Me: What kind of animal is mom?

Quincy: A lady dog.

Me:  !   😀  !  (Holds up phone to record)  Say that one more time.

Quincy (repeating more clearly): A ladybug.

I can’t decide if I want to be a lion or an ape (yes i get to choose, deal with it).

Me: Karena, would you say I’m more like a lion with the head of an ape, or an ape with the head of a lion?

Karena and Quincy: Ape with head of lion.

Me: 😀

tongo

residual self-image

Topics for discussion: What kind of animal are you?   Did anyone else own this action figure or others from the “Blackstar” line?

One Up and One Down

The main components of rap music:

  1. title of song – a catchy slogan that’s either cryptically violent “Put You On A T-Shirt”, cryptically sexual “Bands A Make Her Dance” or not cryptic at all “Boats n Hoez” Then shout the title of the song a lot during the song.  It’s best if the last word of the title rhymes with a lot of other words, but this is not necessary.
  2. name of group – “Yeah wazzup this is the Beatles.”  “Lennon in the house”  “The Liverpool Legends baby” okay you don’t get this in rock music very often.
  3. catchy beat
  4. sweet instrumental loop or sample
  5. (optional) lyrics that rhyme and/or make sense

My first hit song that I produced in my head several years ago was “Get Down on It”  It samples the Kool & the Gang tune

Except my version had a lot of yelling “get down on it” and humorously misogynistic lyrics. The video was full of strippers.  The phrase caught on like wildfire, appearing across pop culture, including on t-shirts (which were banned at several schools) and eventually was referenced on SNL (sign that the shark had been jumped).  There was a remix.  Busta Rhymes was on the remix.

I told Karena about my plan for hip-hop domination.

2008

Me: …so like this: “Get Down On It” [hums a few notes from the Kool & Gang song badly off key] then like “Get Down ON It!”

Karena: I THINK THERE’S ALREADY A SONG CALLED THAT

Me: There is!  But you can’t copyright a title.  And I’m going to sample it.  And I think it will be the next big thing because the lyrics are suggestive but not obscene.  People will argue, like “What does ‘Get Down On It’ mean?  Get Down on what?”  Controversy!

Karena: I’M PRETTY SURE IT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING [walks away]

Me: Wait, you haven’t even heard the lyrics yet!  Come back here –  [lowers voice to mutter] – and Get Down On It.

It actually turned out pretty good though they changed the name of the song and didn’t yell “Get Down On It” enough for my taste, and released it 11 years before I had the idea:

Unlike some artists, I’ve stayed away from drugs, and haven’t squandered a penny of my royalties.  But my imaginary public has been wondering when I would release my next hit.  They need wait no longer.

2015

Me (triumphantly): One up and one down!

Karena: WHAT

Me: It’s my new song.  Remember “Get Down On It”?

Karena: SIGH

Me: Oh yeah…one up and one down!  It’s a catchphrase.

Karena: WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN

Me: You don’t know?  You put one leg up and one leg down.

Karena: LIKE DOING A SPLIT?

Me: Exactly.  Go ahead and do it – put your foot up on the table…  see if you can be in the video.

Karena: I HAVE TO TAKE REX TO BOY SCOUTS.

ps i declare Copyright just like I did on Iraq World, Motorized Pants, and License Plate Obscurer.  However if anyone has any actual musical talent I’d be up for a collaboration.

Nice Rack

I’m changing some things up.  I am still training every day.  But now that I have guaranteed access to the rack for as long as I want, and no meet coming up in the next few months, I want to give rack work a fresh shot.  So the new training protocol looks like this:

  • Squat to a light daily max, then squat to pins for 3-4 singles, each time increasing the weight and decreasing the ROM. (much to my consternation I still cannot bench and squat simultaneously without either buying another rack or running the risk of banging the 45s together; neither of which I want to do)
  • supersetted with band pulling, and exhorting the large imaginary crowd who attend my workouts (by means of triumphant gestures, and stirring – but mostly inaudible – victory speeches)
  • Bench: warming up with a couple light/medium sets of BTN press, then up to a pretty light triple (for now – this may change to do more sets and a daily max) and then bottom position benches w/the same loading as squats: 3-4 singles, weight +, ROM-.
  • supersetted with real light sumo deadlifts, working on speed and form, maybe 10 singles or 5 sets of 2 or 3 or whatever I feel like

I do enjoy bottom position squats and may give those a try in addition to/instead of the partials.  OTOH I feel that when I do these I tend to widen my stance, go unrealistically low bar & in other ways make it less specific and more like a Paul Anderson back lift.


My weight is super low, like 165-166.  The other day I went to a buffet restaurant with my family & inlaws.  People remarked that they were surprised that I was eating dessert, and I replied that I eat it once in a while (it’s been about 4-6 months).  I then had four desserts (pie, cake, other pie & cookies).  Stomach distress commenced. and I commented to my wife (between groans in the car on the way home) that my actions were like a guy who hasn’t drank alcohol in months and then drinks way more than anybody else.


Thanks to, I think, Celica, for pointing out powerlifting2win website.  I may have checked it out a few months ago and dismissed it bc content was sparse.  Now I’m reading that thing all the time and trying out a lot of the form pointers.  An invaluable resource.


Rex and I now play two-player Minecraft (split-screen).  Our relationship in the game is similar to our relationship in RL:

On our first (game) night we constructed a temporary shelter.  Things were going well and we were getting along/working together.

The second night, Rex found the ruins of a town and we set up camp there.

Me: I’m going to use some of this stone to build a wall.
Me: Aaagh!  I fell in water.  I’m stuck!  Crap!
Me: [drowns to death]
Me: Why is there a giant hole filled with water under our base?
Rex: That was a well.  I covered it up before you got here.
Me (irritated): I’m going to live somewhere else.  This place is a dump.
Rex: I’m coming with you.
Me: No.
Rex: Please!  Please dad!  Please let me live with you!
Me: Fine.

Night three we established a permanent base in a village.

Me: You’re going to keep this place neat and not punch holes in the wall or let animals wander in.
Rex: I’m putting our beds next to each other!
Me: Umm… okay.  I’m going to get some supplies.  I’ll be right back.

When I come back I see that Rex has filled the house with furnaces.  There’s like 30 of them, and not even in lines, just randomly placed, so that you can’t even walk without jumping around.

Rex: Look, dad, furnaces!

Later:

Me: Do you want to go mining or do you want to stay around our house and farm?
Rex: I’ll stay home.
Me: Okay, I’ll get you iron and coal and stuff.  You should get some animals and put a fence around them so that we have food.
Rex: Sounds good.

[2 minutes later]

Rex: I punched a villager!

[3 minutes later]

Me: Hey, I see that!  Stop taking stuff out of my chest!

[4 minutes later]

Rex: Did you know that emerald ore is the rarest ore in the game?  My friend Liam likes to play creative mode.  The Ender Dragon has 1500 hit points…

[15 minutes later]

Me: Why are you sleeping?  You didn’t even build the animal pen.  Do you have *any* food yet?

Rex: I have a potato…

Me: I’m not giving you all this iron for one lousy raw potato.

Rex: [hits me with his shitty stone sword]  Sorry, I was trying to, uh, mine there.

Me: [pours lava on Rex’s head]

Rex: MOM!!!

Jag skickade honom verkligen en låda med avföring.

So the Swede wanted a mini-band but those fuckers at EFS were gonna charge him like 400 Krügenspiel (This is the Swedish currency – it is a type of cheese) for the shipping. 

I decided to send him one, because:

1. He’s my first blog reader, so it’s kind of like a business expense.  When my former college professors ask if I’ve published anything yet, I always tell them that I have a blog that gets thousands of views a day.  (I don’t tell them that 90% of my traffic are either Celica hitting refresh or Dangerous Dave doing an DoS attack on the server).  And when my professors ask how much the blog makes, I can now tell them that it makes Reverse Swedish Money.

2. I had an old band that I used for shoulder prehab exercises.  This is what he wanted it for.  So I’d just send him my old piece of shit band and since I don’t do dynamic band work any more, I could pull one of those two, newer ones.

3. Good Karma; would help counteract my many recent misdeeds, including: hating on Andy’s squat; making suggestive comments to a woman who may have been Dirty Dave; not reading any blog post that mentions the word “Gundam”, and taking someone’s chalk that they left at the gym for like 3 days.

4. Research on US Postal Service website showed that it would only cost a few bucks if I could cram it into an envelope and send it very slowly.  I wondered about how international mail works.  Like the Swedes just let a bunch of nonsense into their country from all the other countries? And all the other countries do the same thing?  So is it just kind of like the standard deal?  The Great Mail Conference of 1919?  Or just the default, like “everybody takes everyone’s mail (except North Korea)”  It kind of has to be, because let’s say there’s 200 countries; there would need to be 200! separate postal contracts.  So how do they split the postage money?  50/50 doesn’t seem fair as the US ships it all the way to Sweden, and the Swedish Postal Service (Jag Mögen Postallgrunda) only has to get it to the guy’s house.  Anyway, I spent longer typing this than I did actually thinking about it, since I’m not six and don’t really care about things like how my TV works or why the sky is blue.

Turned out #2 fell through, as my band that I’ve been pulling on for the last few months started to fray pretty bad only a couple of days ago. I didn’t want to lose my most faithful non-spam follower or cause an international incident, so I sent him one of the newer ones.

The post office in my town has like one employee, she’s like 50, but kinda hot.  Also she knows everyone in the town and is all politely up in everyone’s business.  She singlehandedly has probably prevented drugs and contraband from ever being mailed from her facility.

Oh, Mr. Christmas, how is your wife?  And the kids?  The little one, is she talking yet?  Yes, they grow up so fast…she’s such a cutey!  Sweden, huh?!  Here let me take it out of the package; you didn’t pack it right, this is going to cost you more than it should.  What is this?  A rubber band?  Did you sell this to someone? [she knows I sell a lot of books on eBay]  Probably costs more to ship than it’s worth, right?  Haw! What’s it for?  Weightlifting?  That’s so interesting!  and etcetera


Weight: 190.4 (-0.2)

Manta Ray Squat: 45×6, 135×4, 225×3, 275×2, 315×2, 345, 370, 390, 400, 410; 325x10x3

Tied for my best Manta Ray Squat ever.

Medium Grip Bench: 45×10, 115×6, 165×4, 215×3, 265×3, 315, 335, 355, 365, 375; 285x6x5

Should have jumped up a little faster, then gone up in 5 lb increments after 360-365.  Probably could have at least hit 370.

Sumo+monster band: 4 sets, all PRs, up to 315 off 3.5″ deficit.

Time: 2:10

Jag skickade honom verkligen en låda med avföring.

So the Swede wanted a mini-band but those fuckers at EFS were gonna charge him like 400 Krügenspiel (This is the Swedish currency – it is a type of cheese) for the shipping. 

I decided to send him one, because:

1. He’s my first blog reader, so it’s kind of like a business expense.  When my former college professors ask if I’ve published anything yet, I always tell them that I have a blog that gets thousands of views a day.  (I don’t tell them that 90% of my traffic are either Celica hitting refresh or Dangerous Dave doing an DoS attack on the server).  And when my professors ask how much the blog makes, I can now tell them that it makes Reverse Swedish Money.

2. I had an old band that I used for shoulder prehab exercises.  This is what he wanted it for.  So I’d just send him my old piece of shit band and since I don’t do dynamic band work any more, I could pull one of those two, newer ones.

3. Good Karma; would help counteract my many recent misdeeds, including: hating on Andy’s squat; making suggestive comments to a woman who may have been Dirty Dave; not reading any blog post that mentions the word “Gundam”, and taking someone’s chalk that they left at the gym for like 3 days.

4. Research on US Postal Service website showed that it would only cost a few bucks if I could cram it into an envelope and send it very slowly.  I wondered about how international mail works.  Like the Swedes just let a bunch of nonsense into their country from all the other countries? And all the other countries do the same thing?  So is it just kind of like the standard deal?  The Great Mail Conference of 1919?  Or just the default, like “everybody takes everyone’s mail (except North Korea)”  It kind of has to be, because let’s say there’s 200 countries; there would need to be 200! separate postal contracts.  So how do they split the postage money?  50/50 doesn’t seem fair as the US ships it all the way to Sweden, and the Swedish Postal Service (Jag Mögen Postallgrunda) only has to get it to the guy’s house.  Anyway, I spent longer typing this than I did actually thinking about it, since I’m not six and don’t really care about things like how my TV works or why the sky is blue.

Turned out #2 fell through, as my band that I’ve been pulling on for the last few months started to fray pretty bad only a couple of days ago. I didn’t want to lose my most faithful non-spam follower or cause an international incident, so I sent him one of the newer ones.

The post office in my town has like one employee, she’s like 50, but kinda hot.  Also she knows everyone in the town and is all politely up in everyone’s business.  She singlehandedly has probably prevented drugs and contraband from ever being mailed from her facility.

Oh, Mr. Christmas, how is your wife?  And the kids?  The little one, is she talking yet?  Yes, they grow up so fast…she’s such a cutey!  Sweden, huh?!  Here let me take it out of the package; you didn’t pack it right, this is going to cost you more than it should.  What is this?  A rubber band?  Did you sell this to someone? [she knows I sell a lot of books on eBay]  Probably costs more to ship than it’s worth, right?  Haw! What’s it for?  Weightlifting?  That’s so interesting!  and etcetera


Weight: 190.4 (-0.2)

Manta Ray Squat: 45×6, 135×4, 225×3, 275×2, 315×2, 345, 370, 390, 400, 410; 325x10x3

Tied for my best Manta Ray Squat ever.

Medium Grip Bench: 45×10, 115×6, 165×4, 215×3, 265×3, 315, 335, 355, 365, 375; 285x6x5

Should have jumped up a little faster, then gone up in 5 lb increments after 360-365.  Probably could have at least hit 370.

Sumo+monster band: 4 sets, all PRs, up to 315 off 3.5″ deficit.

Time: 2:10

Iraq World

Rachel Uchitel, the girl Tiger Woods is allegedly cheating on his wife with.  It’s hard to blame him.  I just cheated on my wife with this picture.
Rather than tell you what I did today in exhausting and overanalytical detail (worked on college applications, played with Rex, played Wii Resort, watched football with my father-in-law), I’ll tell you about an idea we came up with while I was in Iraq.  I declare copyright on this idea.  However, most of my ideas are the intellectual property equivalent of this stuff:
Nobody is standing in line to dispute my ownership of Motorized Pants, the Remote Control License Plate Obscurer and now …(drum roll)… Iraq World!
My buddy Scott and I came up with this one on one of our many missions in Iraq.  It’s a way for civilians to relive the thrill of war (and some of the annoyances) without the carnage and danger (depending on how drunk the carnies are that day).  The theme park is in some hideous desert in Arizona.  You arrive and are issued ACUs, a helmet, 55 lbs of body armor, 7 magazines full of blanks, an M-4, an MRE and some water.  You’ll get some basic safety guidelines and instructions on how to use an M-4 and a 50 cal.  Then you get briefed by some Sergeant First Class (retired) who yells at you like you’re in a football locker room at halftime, down a touchdown, and explains your mission.  Something about driving a convoy from point A to point B.  This differs from reality because pre-mission is the only time these people DON’T yell.  Twenty-three hours a day theiy’re hollering about something wrong with your uniform or why you were sleeping in the motor pool.  But before the mission they’re either: A. too nervous to continue the charade, B. too busy checking to make sure that you remembered your bullets, tied your shoes, etc. or C. Don’t want to make you angry immediately before they walk in front of eight privates with loaded automatic weapons.
Along with the motivational speech will be some powerpoint slides.  They’ll show the route, which doesn’t matter as you’ll see below, and a “High Value Target”, basically some bad-ass terrorist you’re supposed to be looking out for and in real life is probably in Syria.
Then you start your convoy.  Maybe you’re escorting some tractor trailers.  I haven’t decided yet whether to put the vehicles on rails like in Disney World or just have the drivers work for the theme park.  Driving a Humvee would be super cool for Joe and Jane civilian, but on the other hand, rear ending the guy in front of you during a sandstorm is not exactly the kind of thing that would make it easy to get insurance, and guns and explosions might have to be enough of a thrill.
On the way, you get to talk on the radio and say things like “Wolfpack 1-6, this is Wolfpack 1-3, radio check, over.”  Everything is routine and dull, until AMBUSH!  An IED (pyrotechnically simulated of course) goes off in front of the lead vehicle.  Some of the American actors are wounded and spray fake blood all over the place.  Then RPGs go whizzing over head and there’s shooting.  It’s a bunch of Al-Qaeda guys in pickup trucks with machine guns in the back.  Quick, 50 cal gunners, waste them!  After the technicals are blown up, they’re hiding behind a berm.  The high value target is back there.  Time to dismount and push through the ambush.  After you wipe out all of his men, (played by either Mexicans or Arabs, whichever is cheaper) Abu Hussan surrenders and you have to zip-tie and sandbag him and bring him back alive.
Back at the FOB, you get to eat at an actual chowhall simulator and then there’s an awards ceremony, where you all receive Army Commendation Medals (downgraded from Bronze Stars).
Too soon?  Why can we have Civil War re-enactments but not Iraq War ones?  I declare COPYRIGHT on this idea.  Investors?