Sounds like something I would do

Yesterday, Karena unexpectedly made pie.

I don’t mind if she makes calorie-laden concoctions but I like to know beforehand so I can allocate them into my daily myfitnesspal allotment.

Karena and Rex spent most of the afternoon cleaning the church where they have boy scouts. Karena didn’t feel like taking the kids swimming (and I never feel like taking the kids swimming) so to compensate Quincy, she tried to set up a play date, which fell through.

Quincy: 😦

Karena: HOW ABOUT WE MAKE A PIE TOGETHER

So apparently pie is now a recreational activity in our house on par with swimming and socialization. It’s fine.

Quincy didn’t like the oreo pie we had at Thanksgiving (which is insanity but she’s four and it had caramel in it, or it was too cold or something idk)

Karena (at Thanksgiving, humoring): WELL WHAT KIND OF PIE *DO* YOU LIKE

Quincy: Chocolate chip

Even though no one has heard of this, Karena found a recipe for it on the internet because a) Humans have been making pies for approximately 10,000 years so every variety possible has been invented, up to and including “4 and 20 blackbird” b) Paula Deen

But i couldn’t eat any because I’d expended all my calories on bullshit like black beans and sweet potatoes and spinach. Then I discovered i forgot to log my workout so i had 250 calories left which entitled me to a tiny sliver of pie and nobody cares but me but still.  Felt good.

Because the pie took an hour to cook, it wasn’t ready when Quincy was finished with her dinner, which led to the following surreal exchange…

Quincy (thoughtfully, to Karena): I think I don’t want pie. I’ll just have some candy instead.

Me: No, trust me, you want pie. It will be ready soon.

Quincy: I’m not talking to you, Dad!

Me: You are going to eat pie, young lady!

Quincy: You’re ruining my life!!

Coach Jr didn’t want any pie because he has never had sweets and only likes bean mush, whole wheat bread, and bits of meat.

Apparently my in-laws have introduced him to the world of sugar and my dreams of raising the next Todd Marinovich (minus the alcoholism, drug abuse, failure and arrests) are crushed. In the corner of the picture you can see Cinderella Rex who dropped his piece and had to clean the floor before he got a replacement.

In the morning, Karena told me the ingredients and i plugged them into the phone in order to see how much pie I could fit into my diet today.  An eighth of the pie has 470 calories so my estimation for last night’s pie was pretty close (especially when you factor in the chunk of Quincy’s crust that I also ate. (It was “too crusty” according to her.)

Me (introspecting aloud): …so I don’t really worry about it but I don’t want to be annoying “oh he has to have his special meals” I’d rather be seen like “oh my husband is into fitness and has a few eccentricities”

Karena: I DON’T THINK YOU’RE ECCENTRIC…

Me: 🙂 emoji of hearts shooting out of my eyes

Karena: …I THINK YOU HAVE A LOT OF WILLPOWER AND DISCIPLINE

Me: So you’re saying I have an iron will?  Yes!  I have an iron will…and fists of steel!

Karena: FINE FOR THE REST OF FEBRUARY YOU CAN BE THE MAN WITH THE IRON WILL AND FISTS OF STEEL.

Best anniversary gift ever.


Coach Jr got a second chance at church today and “read” the Bible most of the time, according to my mother-in-law. She said he was well-behaved this time (which means that she didn’t notice how he was pronouncing book)

While I was strapping him into his car seat in the in-law’s van, Quincy started pouting…

Me: What’s the matter?

Quincy (also in car seat, shaking Kindle angrily): I wanted Peppa Pig video but grandma picked the wrong one!

Me: Well, we have a saying for that around here…Rex, do you know what it is?

Rex: NCBY?

Me: That’s right…

(begins singing)

If your dad won’t let you eat a leaf

Or if you dropped your pie

If you have the wrong Peppa Pig and it makes you cryyyYYY.

Just remember these four words

If you’re feeling blue….

Nobody cares…but…you!

(begins to tap dance in the driveway, waving imaginary cane and hat)

Nobody cares but you! Nobody cares but you!

That actually cheered her up considerably.


Karena (via text re: Coach Jr): I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE ATE BUT I CAN SEE DIRT ON HIS TONGUE


Quincy (pointing at the upper portion of her overalls): This is my breastplate.  It’s the Armor of God.


wt: 165.6

CPP: 135,140,145,150,155,160 x 2

Sqt: 315,345,365 x 3

SLDL: 295,300,305 x 2

Pullups: 55 x 3,2,1

2SH: 3:20

Time: 0:55

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11 thoughts on “Sounds like something I would do

  1. Ah, Coach, know all these feels. With myfitnesspal. You either eat a lot of healthy food and are perfectly content, or your meals consist of protein+junk food and pie.

    • I also try to win the potassium and fiber championships each day and that’s pretty hard on 2250 cal if you don’t strive for healthy. I liked Paul Carter’s tmag article critiquing iifym which i didn’t really know about until today.
      Tldr: not a pie and protein guy. Except today

      • I get almost as much satisfaction when I hit double-digit grams of sodium in a day (without logging the salt I add to food, to boot) as I do from gym PRs.

        Having reintroduced carbs to my diet is also kind of weird.
        MFP: “Your goal is to stay under 450g of carbs per day!”
        Brad: “No, I’m trying to stay *over* 450g. Fuck off, computron.”

        • the helpful reminders also drive me crazy. For me it’s fat. Fuck you telling me that EVOO is high in fat.I try to get at least 40% of my calories from fat.
          Another thing is when people don’t completely enter the food, like not bothering to enter the potassium when it’s not on the label.
          But idk these are silly. Not gonna get worked up about them. I know I’m the potassium King or at least runner up behind Celica

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    • Quincy is a funny combination of Sunday School (that one), weird youtube videos, baby princess pony babble, preternaturally advanced home school topics “osmosis!”, things I shout (“Nude!” “Shame!” “Dirty Dog!”) homemade words (chaffle = Coach Jr’s bouncing of clattery plastic objects on the floor; to chav = to put something down someone’s shirt) and ad jingles I’ve taught her to sing from the 80s hey they might as well be stuck in someone else’s head for life too (“It’s one of the all-time greats!” [Hershey’s], “Pizza Hut…Pizza to Go”) and ad jingles I get wrong on purpose (“Cinnamon Toast Crunch…for that deep down body crunch”) [Gatorade = deep down body thirst and it’s for actual cinnamon toast I made them not the cereal]
      So yeah, she may turn out kinda weird.

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