So for the last two years I’ve been washing dishes by hand. Our house has a dishwasher but it doesn’t work, so I used it as the place to dry newly washed dishes.
This is kind of a common theme with this house. It was built in 1979 by Karena’s late great aunt and uncle and they must have had a lot of money bc no children, so they apparently bought the best of everything in terms of appliances. So like NuTone intercom system, Modern Maid stove, dryer that came with this instruction book:
It would have been better for us if they’d bought cheap junk though. Then it would have been replaced once or twice already. Even a state-of-the-art top-of-the-line, well- maintained appliance from 1979 is now at EOL and the makers defunct. (although i still have LGU’s warranty and product registration cards – he was a squared-away guy) And when we need to replace it we always find that there is some issue. Like we need to change the power outlet, or modern appliances are a different size, or we just can’t justify the expense to replace intercom system/NuTone central vacuum/awesome vintage van for tailgating.
Anyway whenever I decide to buy a new thing I feel like the dad in Christmas Story when he gets the leg lamp, except with the added emotional investment of having spent my own money.
Me: look at the complex features/stark simplicity/muzzle velocity! Isn’t it wonderful? It was a best buy on Consumer Reports.
Rex: Ooh, can I play with it? (Reaches, is swatted away)
Quincy: It’s black! That’s your favorite color, daddy! It’s so pretty!
Coach Jr: Da! (Translation: I’m going to cry if you don’t let me chew it immediately)
Karena: ARE YOU SURE WE CAN AFFORD THAT. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK SOMETHING I BET. WHY DIDN’T YOU GET ONE WITH (FEATURE).
But she is not entirely negative. For example, after several years she was able to grudgingly admit that the Roku was a wise purchase. (Also although she is less timid than the Christmas Story mom, at least she’s never accidentally broken my stuff ha)
Even though doing the dishes is my chore, she didn’t object to me buying a dishwasher because I’d been
bitching about washing dishes discussing the purchase for over two years.
So Quincy and I went to Lowe’s and I bought the (Consumer Reports Best Buy) Bosch Ascenta SH3AR7. They didn’t have it in stock so I had to wait up to two weeks, during which time:
Me: Ha! A historic event! This may be the last time I ever do dishes by hand!
Karena: I BET IT DOESN’T COME ON TIME. I BET THE OLD DISHWASHER IS LIKE AN ODD SIZE SO THEY CAN’T INSTALL IT. I’VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT COMPANY BOSCH.
At the end of the two weeks I called them and they said it had just arrived so now they had 2 business days to arrange a time to deliver & install it. Yes waiting to wait in order to wait. Yes I know you can hypothetically install a dishwasher yourself Celica but Karena and I decided that I’d made the right decision.
When the dishwasher arrived, of course there was bad news and it couldn’t be installed until some plumbing upgrade was completed. But I ignored Karena’s cackles of glee/tidings of woe, because I was expecting this additional expense (see above, plus things under the sink look like Rube Goldberg was the original plumber) and had already factored it into the secret “Never washing dishes by hand again” budget (funds unlimited, possibly including my soul).
Dishwasher guy: Man, I got bad news. You gon’ need a new grosket defractor with (unintelligible) for sink dishwasher (unintelligible) link-um.
I couldn’t understand him because he was speaking plumber with a thick Southern accent and was also a mumbleoid.
Me (cleverly): Aha! Write that down so I know exactly what to tell the plumber.
Paper: 3/4 gros. (crossed out) bas. (smeared, illegible) sink hot? == dishwas.
But the plumber (Roto-Rooter) could come out and fix this issue, and the dishwasher guy said he would come back afterwards to finish the install. You see, a dishwasher is normally connected to the hot water side with some sort of shut-off valve that is apparently standard in every house in America with a dishwasher – starting the year after our house was built. Our dishwasher was connected to the cold water side in two! places by weird rusty things that were no longer serviceable & possibly hand-made.
So the plumber came out and I showed him the scrawlings on the paper and did my best to repeat as many of the words that I’d heard the dishwasher guy use as I could. He understood immediately and quickly made the repair, charged me a large sum of money, and left.
Dishwasher Guy (upon return): He did the wrong thing. I wrote down laminated cowlings and he done put in 3/8″ stoved tubings. *
The plumber was able to come back that day and remedy the mistake and take more money* but the installer was off on another job and not going to be available until Thursday. Because of the incomplete mayhem under the sink, the water to the sink had to be shut off until the dishwasher was installed, so we ordered pizza and used paper plates/plastic cups etc.
*the thing the plumber did first was switch it to the hot water side which needed to be done anyhow but he didn’t take care of the situation on the cold water side. So really it wasn’t like he totally did the wrong thing and force me to pay for the mistake but it probably would have been cheaper if he did it all in one shot.
The installer wasn’t available because he was on some other job. He would try to make it by the end of the day meaning he would shut off his phone.
Karena (via text message): DADDY* SAYS WE CAN STILL USE THE SINK. I’LL SHOW YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME.
Me: You’ll show me, like you’ve actually tried it without a flood? Or like together we’ll try to see if we can do the oddball thing he suggested on the phone?
* Verbatim. Good thing she doesn’t read my blog.
It was the latter.
Chinese food and continuation of disposable dishes except for Quincy who I’m not making this up can spell Mississippi aloud but apparently can’t drink out of a plastic solo cup without spilling.
The installer came back. I wasn’t home again but received text message from Karena saying that the dishwasher was in place but…
Karena: WE HAVE A LEAK WHERE THE PLUMBER INSTALLED THE GATOR SOMETHING ON THE SUPPLY LINE. AT LEAST I THINK THAT’S WHAT HE SAID*.
*she was born here.
so I called the plumber and told the secretary that their man would be returning immediately and this time there would not be any charges or I would “run up on the Roto-Rooter headquarters Desert Storm-style.”*
The lady promised that there would be no charges. The plumber and his assistant were here for four hours (counting two trips back for parts). I overheard one slightly unnerving argument between the plumbers about whether a part one insisted they needed actually existed.
Karena: I BET THEY’RE GONNA TRY TO CHARGE YOU.
Karena: I DON’T LIKE HOW THE TINES ON THE UPPER RACK POINT