Dish Washer

So for the last two years I’ve been washing dishes by hand.  Our house has a dishwasher but it doesn’t work, so I used it as the place to dry newly washed dishes.

This is kind of a common theme with this house.  It was built in 1979 by Karena’s late great aunt and uncle and they must have had a lot of money bc no children, so they apparently bought the best of everything in terms of appliances.  So like NuTone intercom system, Modern Maid stove, dryer that came with this instruction book:

maytag

It would have been better for us if they’d bought cheap junk though. Then it would have been replaced once or twice already.  Even a state-of-the-art top-of-the-line, well- maintained appliance from 1979 is now at EOL and the makers defunct. (although i still have LGU’s warranty and product registration cards – he was a squared-away guy) And when we need to replace it we always find that there is some issue. Like we need to change the power outlet, or modern appliances are a different size, or we just can’t justify the expense to replace intercom system/NuTone central vacuum/awesome vintage van for tailgating.

Anyway whenever I decide to buy a new thing I feel like the dad in Christmas Story when he gets the leg lamp, except with the added emotional investment of having spent my own money.

Me: look at the complex features/stark simplicity/muzzle velocity! Isn’t it wonderful?  It was a best buy on Consumer Reports.

Rex: Ooh, can I play with it? (Reaches, is swatted away)

Quincy: It’s black! That’s your favorite color, daddy! It’s so pretty!

Coach Jr: Da! (Translation: I’m going to cry if you don’t let me chew it immediately)

Karena: ARE YOU SURE WE CAN AFFORD THAT.  DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING. YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK SOMETHING I BET. WHY DIDN’T YOU GET ONE WITH (FEATURE).

But she is not entirely negative.  For example, after several years she was able to grudgingly admit that the Roku was a wise purchase.  (Also although she is less timid than the Christmas Story mom, at least she’s never accidentally broken my stuff ha)

Even though doing the dishes is my chore, she didn’t object to me buying a dishwasher because I’d been bitching about washing dishes discussing the purchase for over two years.

So Quincy and I went to Lowe’s and I bought the (Consumer Reports Best Buy) Bosch Ascenta SH3AR7.  They didn’t have it in stock so I had to wait up to two weeks, during which time:

Me: Ha! A historic event!  This may be the last time I ever do dishes by hand!

Karena: I BET IT DOESN’T COME ON TIME.  I BET THE OLD DISHWASHER IS LIKE AN ODD SIZE SO THEY CAN’T INSTALL IT.  I’VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT COMPANY BOSCH.

x 14

At the end of the two weeks I called them and they said it had just arrived so now they had 2 business days to arrange a time to deliver & install it.  Yes waiting to wait in order to wait.  Yes I know you can hypothetically install a dishwasher yourself Celica but Karena and I decided that I’d made the right decision.

Wednesday

When the dishwasher arrived, of course there was bad news and it couldn’t be installed until some plumbing upgrade was completed.   But I ignored Karena’s cackles of glee/tidings of woe, because I was expecting this additional expense (see above, plus things under the sink look like Rube Goldberg was the original plumber) and had already factored it into the secret “Never washing dishes by hand again” budget (funds unlimited, possibly including my soul).

Dishwasher guy: Man, I got bad news.  You gon’ need a new grosket defractor with (unintelligible) for sink dishwasher (unintelligible) link-um.

I couldn’t understand him because he was speaking plumber with a thick Southern accent and was also a mumbleoid.

Me (cleverly): Aha!  Write that down so I know exactly what to tell the plumber.

Paper: 3/4 gros. (crossed out) bas. (smeared, illegible) sink hot? == dishwas.

Sigh.

But the plumber (Roto-Rooter) could come out and fix this issue, and the dishwasher guy said he would come back afterwards to finish the install.  You see, a dishwasher is normally connected to the hot water side with some sort of shut-off valve that is apparently standard in every house in America with a dishwasher – starting the year after our house was built.  Our dishwasher was connected to the cold water side in two! places by weird rusty things that were no longer serviceable & possibly hand-made.

So the plumber came out and I showed him the scrawlings on the paper and did my best to repeat as many of the words that I’d heard the dishwasher guy use as I could.  He understood immediately and quickly made the repair, charged me a large sum of money, and left.

Dishwasher Guy (upon return):  He did the wrong thing.  I wrote down laminated cowlings and he done put in 3/8″ stoved tubings. *

*not verbatim

The plumber was able to come back that day and remedy the mistake and take more money* but the installer was off on another job and not going to be available until Thursday.  Because of the incomplete mayhem under the sink, the water to the sink had to be shut off until the dishwasher was installed, so we ordered pizza and used paper plates/plastic cups etc.

*the thing the plumber did first was switch it to the hot water side which needed to be done anyhow but he didn’t take care of the situation on the cold water side.  So really it wasn’t like he totally did the wrong thing and force me to pay for the mistake but it probably would have been cheaper if he did it all in one shot.

Thursday

The installer wasn’t available because he was on some other job.  He would try to make it by the end of the day meaning he would shut off his phone.

Karena (via text message): DADDY* SAYS WE CAN STILL USE THE SINK. I’LL SHOW YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME.

Me: You’ll show me, like you’ve actually tried it without a flood?  Or like together we’ll try to see if we can do the oddball thing he suggested on the phone?

* Verbatim.  Good thing she doesn’t read my blog.

It was the latter.

Chinese food and continuation of disposable dishes except for Quincy who I’m not making this up can spell Mississippi aloud but apparently can’t drink out of a plastic solo cup without spilling.

Friday

The installer came back.  I wasn’t home again but received text message from Karena saying that the dishwasher was in place but…

Karena: WE HAVE A LEAK WHERE THE PLUMBER INSTALLED THE GATOR SOMETHING ON THE SUPPLY LINE. AT LEAST I THINK THAT’S WHAT HE SAID*.

*she was born here.

so I called the plumber and told the secretary that their man would be returning immediately and this time there would not be any charges or I would “run up on the Roto-Rooter headquarters Desert Storm-style.”*

*not verbatim

The lady promised that there would be no charges.  The plumber and his assistant were here for four hours (counting two trips back for parts).  I overheard one slightly unnerving argument between the plumbers about whether a part one insisted they needed actually existed.

Karena: I BET THEY’RE GONNA TRY TO CHARGE YOU.

They didn’t.

Finally:img_20161007_151002.jpg

Karena:  I DON’T LIKE HOW THE TINES ON THE UPPER RACK POINT

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Dish Washer

  1. Last Saturday our water stopped working. Luckily we rent so I called the landlord and said,”our waters not working, get ready to spend some money.”

    Before calling anyone I tried to figure out what the problem was. This basically meant watching YouTube videos and then trying to explain them to my very disinterested wife. Eventually I deduce that it’s either the pressure tank or well pump. So I call a a well service company. They say they’ll send someone out Sunday morning.

    The well service tech shows up in a big box truck, goes to the mechanical room and says, “yup here’s your problem.” He then starts removing the houses water filter. I was starting to feel pretty dumb at this point. All that time watching YouTube videos and I didn’t check the easiest, cheapest fix.

    “Your filters plugged” he says.

    Good for the landlord, bad for my ego. But then he changes out the filter and still no water. Fuck yeah!

    So the guy fucks around for awhile with a voltmeter and decides that the well pump needs replaced. He makes me
    move our two cars in the driveway so he can position his truck in a way that enables him to pull the pump out of the bottom of our 200 foot well with a machine. He gets the truck all set, opens the back door and says “fucking cocksucker.” The reel used to pull out the water line attached to the pump was full of pipe from another job. “Guess we have to pull it out by hand.” Yes, he said we. So I help the guy out and honestly I probably did 70% of the work pulling the damn pump out. He replaces the pump, talks my ear off about shit I don’t care about while my Sunday shrivels away and then leaves me a bill. The total bill was $1411. $300 of it was for having to pull the pump by hand. Wtf? Where’s my cut of that $300? I thought about calling his boss and making a scene but then said fuck it. Instead I put the bill in an envelope and sent it to the landlord.

    I hope your dishwasher serves you well. I have a Bosch and it blows. We never use it.

    • You should have pretended you were in a rush and driven away. Or pretended to be crippled. If it makes you feel any better you can pretend you earned $150 but paid a unlawful helpfulness tax of the same amount

  2. This makes me feel pretty great.

    Our dishwasher stopped working. Brand new Fridgidair, came with the house. My mom complained a lot. Tried buying fancy expensive soap to make the not working dishwasher work. It still didn’t work, but we had fancy expensive soap. Mother complains more, says we are all terrible children for not doing dishes. Finally I go on Craigslist and find a GE dishwasher from the 90s for $40. I offer to not have her pay for it, and instead have both of my sisters and me chip in to buy it. This guilt tripping thing makes her give me $40 to buy it. Me and my father buy it from an old lady who said she rarely used it, only when other people were over. I also got a free snow shovel.

    Me and Dad take dishwasher out. Dad does most of the stuff. Hookups are all good. But I had to drill a bigger hole in my cabinets to fit the power cord through. Whatever.

    Dishwasher still works and is great. Modern dishwashers apparently are all bullshit. This one takes like an hour tops to do dishes and it’s done. Meanwhile the Frigidaire would take like 4-5 hours or something as it’d recycle the water or something and try to be power saving by technically using less power per hour, but then just staying on 5 hours. My mother complains sometimes it is white and does not match our black appliances.

    tl;dr, I will buy more used appliances from Craigslist in the future.

    • The problem with modern dishwashers IMO is the banning of phosphates in their detergents. It’s also possible that the zeal for noise reduction and energy conservation screws things up too but that’s only a suspicion

  3. lol @ not hearing of Bosch.

    Though Coach, Bosch platinum spark plugs do in fact suck. Like, they’re good when they work. But unlike other spark plugs, can just… stop working. http://image.4wheeloffroad.com/f/29562800/131_9903_01_o+131_9903_brand_spanking_new_for_99+bosch_platinum_4_spark_plug.jpg See that tiny little silver thing in the center. The electrode? https://bdn-data.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs.dir/194/files/2013/11/freeimage-7748475-high.jpg See these normal spark plugs, with a big giant metal thing (comparatively) in the center? On normal spark plugs, it gets shittier, but not usually shitty enough to make a car hard to start, not run well, etc, because there’s a lot of electrode left. But on Bosch, lose some electrode and…you’re down to ceramic. Then you’re screwed.

    So do not buy Bosch platinum spark plugs. They cost a ton of money, too.

    • Okay I won’t buy their spark plugs. But don’t besmirch Bosch or by proxy Consumer Reports until something goes wrong with this thing or you’ll cause me massive cognitive dissonance

      • Consumer Reports says a lot of crazy shit. Biggest example I know is Behr paint and them.

        That said, probably would buy Bosch for my new appliances I bought new apppliances.

  4. So I grew up in a land of hillbilly accents too, and I still can’t understand some people from around here. I’m not convinced that they understand each other either. I just try to pick out a few words and then either laugh or say “damn” until they stop talking. Works pretty well.

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