3 gyms in two weeks


So back to Anytime Fitness.  It’s a little closer, only 10 minutes away, compared to 20 for the no-chalk place.  I got there around 12:30 PM, and there was a sign on the door: one of those paper clocks with the moveable hands “BE BACK SOON.”  Clock was set to, I thought, 12:30, but on closer inspection, probably was 1:30.  I banged on the glass but there are dire warnings about letting non-members in, and the 2 people working out both ignored me.

So I went home and ate lunch, and called the place every 5 minutes until I got Shawn the skinny kid who works there, at 1:35.  I drove back and had to wait another 5 minutes of pounding on the door, ringing the buzzer.  Some guy working out (also in Army PT shirt, but with sleeves cut off) shrugged at me and mouthed something and gestured that he couldn’t find Shawn but was going to look.  Finally I got let in.

Squat: …425; 380×2,1

BTN Press (off rack what’s the fucking difference who can use it if I’m using the only barbell?): …135×2,2,2,3,2

Sumo: up to 425 real quick

Time: i can’t find my sheet but it was something like 1:15, too bad I wasted half my day because of this asshole (i’m sure it was a family emergency and not he wanted to go somewhere for lunch) and my wife is now remarking “YOU SPEND MORE TIME AT THE GYM THAN YOU USED TO” even tho my workouts are shorter i spend all my time joining gyms and driving there and being let in and shown where the fucking tanning booths are and being stared at by morbidly obese people.


Went to gym #2 (the place with the squat rack in the middle of a carpeted aerobics studio and the manager told me that a “light coating” of chalk was okay).  Some redhead with a gap in her teeth and fat (good) booty in gray spandex pants was there not the old hag manager so that was good.

Some sort of group training, probably named something like “Manatee Moms” was ending and so the power rack beckoned to me.  It was festooned with bands, ab straps, streamers, and dildoes, but I figured I could just move that shit out of the way.

Then I saw something outrageous: both J-cups (the hooks that hold the bar) were on the same side.  Like if the four uprights are like this:

1     2

3     4

…normally you’d have the J-cups on 1 and 2 (or 3 and 4, depending on which way you wanted to face).  In this case they were on 2 and 4.  Making matters worse, in order to move one of them, you’d have to use a star wrench to take the piece apart.  This is like savages having a brand-new Cadillac but just sleeping in the back seat bc they didn’t know you could drive it.

Squatted in the half rack facing the mirror instead.

Squat: …410; 365x2x2

and not very well

Bench: …325; 280×4

not a bad bench, but the uprights were angled in a way that above 300 or so, I needed a handoff

Sumo+monster: 5 sets, up to 350

time: 1:34

Went to the county fair with my family.  Rex is now slightly over 48″ tall and can ride all the rides.  Which he did, including the “crazy spinner,” the “other crazy spinner,” the “swings that go around almost horizontally” and the “rotor” (spins real fast then goes on its side a little; centripetal force pins you against the wall; i was afraid to ride this until I was like 17).  I had to ride the “ferris wheel where you sit in a cage that can turn you upside down if your 7 year old son keeps pulling on this goddam lever” with him because you needed two people per cage.

Quincy went in the baby bounce house and spent most of the rest of her time contentedly seated on the ground, pulling out handfuls of grass and throwing them on herself.


9 thoughts on “3 gyms in two weeks

  1. My gym’s new power rack has some kind of tendo unit thing on it that’s not been hooked up to measure power output. Also it has things sticking out of the rack so you can do that T-Nation ab exercise where you move a barbell around in a stand or whatever while standing. Or you can do rows or something. And it has 3 pullup bars but the handles move for some reason? Or maybe they’re not pullup bars and they’re so everyone can hang a hat up or something?

    What else. The old black squat rack I used to use is now in for srs, the figure skater’s off ice room on the upper level of the rink. Good thing celica was 3 years ahead of them. cya.

  2. I love your description of your kids.

    You always make it seem like you will be honestly surprised if they don’t drop out of high school.

    • well believe it or not my son is somewhat of a prodigy. he could read at 2. also braver at carnival rides than I was at 7.

      my daughter, well she responds to every question with “No” Not because she’s contrary, I don’t think she knows the word yes yet.

      this provides endless amusement.

      Me: Quincy, do you love mommy?
      Quincy: No!
      Quincy: No!

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