Happy Fucking Fourth of July

I knew the gym would be crowded today because it was only open until 5.  Plus everyone has the day off.  Hey let’s go to the gym and get in Coach’s way.  Then we’ll go to a fun barbeque, do some drinking, and catch the fireworks.  Go fuck yourselves.

When I got there, Andy was using the platform to teach some chubby chick how to deadlift.  She had an enormous ass (not in a good way, not even to Sir Mix-a-lot).  How about stop eating and do cardio, preferably at a different gym or outside. Thanks for bringing in more of your new friends, Andy.

Fitness competitor grabbed the empty power rack only seconds before I could so that she could do military press with 50 pounds.  Yes, that’s a 2 1/2 pound plate on each side.

Over in the half-rack, some white-haired guy was doing military presses with 95, I don’t know.  (He was the guy who asked me about my deadlift bands.  Also he does jumping lunges between ugly sets of squats, he wasn’t doing them today; good, i was in no mood)

So I just sat on the little metal box that I use to reach the chinup bars and idiots use for box squats and I stared into space for like 10 minutes, trying not to look at the fitness girl’s ass.  I tried not to look angry or put-out.  Really, the joke’s on them, as a rack will open up soon and then I’ll be using it for two hours.  Or maybe I’m the joke.  Whatever.

Andy interrupted my reverie to tell me about his exciting new banded box squats he was going to do.  Like I could give a fuck.  All this meant to me was that he was basically calling dibs on the power rack.  The look I was giving him – and my monosyllabic responses – must have taken him aback as he lost his train of thought twice.

He’s using a light band, not doubled, with 315 lbs.  He says that this is “20 pounds” of tension at the top, which is not far off.  Sorry that I don’t share your enthuiasm.

White hair guy yielded to me eventually and I did this:


Weight: 181.6

Low Bar Squat: up to 435, probably would have gone a little heavier in the real rack, like let’s say 445 okay.  395×1,2,1,2,2,1,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1 (23)

BTN Press: 170, just missed 175 again.  140×3,3,3,3,2,2,2,2,3,2,2 (25)

Sumo: 340 off 5″ deficit, 360 off 4.5″ deficit.  Both fast.

Time: 2:10


Sweated so much that my mp3 player shorted out and had to wipe it dry with paper towel, and dry my pocket.

Mentioned this to the kid who works in the supplement store (PJ’s former sidekick).

Sidekick (astounded): You have an mp3 player?

Me: Yeah, um, what are you listening to your music on?

Sidekick: An ipod.

Me: Is that also a phone?

Sidekick: No.  That’s called an iPhone.

Me: Oh.


Gym got a fat bar.  I think it’s like 2″.  I’ve never used it.  Manager was enthused.  I pretended to be excited so as to not hurt his feelings.  He was worried guys would drop it.  He wrote “NO DROP” on it.

Today Andy was deadlifting with it and setting them down hard.  Maybe dropping them.  I don’t know.  They were loud though, because I could hear them over my blasting music, and once I jumped.

Andy: That fucking personal trainer told me not to drop the fat bar.

Me: Well, it’s his bar, dude.  He spent like 300 bucks on it.

Andy: …uh, well…

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11 thoughts on “Happy Fucking Fourth of July

  1. I hit an easy set of 5 on 175kg low bar squats. Going for a 200kg single on Friday just so I can say that I can squat 200kg. I’ve never programmed less than 5 reps on squats ever so I have no idea if I can even make it. ststd says I have 205 in me, but since I’ve never worn a belt who knows if I’ll fall over trying to do the 200. I had really excellent form and depth on that 175.
    I just want to say I can squat 200kg is that too much to ask okay

      • That’s exactly what I’m afraid of after I saw people making fun of Paul Carter for him estimating stuff. I also take anything “dudes with desk jobs who started being macho kind of like that critique I did of Andy” types with a grain of salt as well. What should Monday’s training be like? I was just going to keep fM as if I was doing 177.5 for 5 on the Friday, so 5×5 of 160, then just go for the 200 on the Friday. Maybe do some walkouts with 200kg just so I can be prepared for how fucking ridiculous it’ll feel on my back.

        • what about doing 5-4-3-2-1
          and that will make the single less than it would have been
          then you could do triples next time
          then doubles time after that, then all out singles
          i think i stole that plan from brooks kubik
          it’ll be fine. it will feel heavy. it’ll be fine.

          • I think thats a Paul carter thing too. Not that he invented it but I know he uses it a lot in his plans.

            I don’t think I know anyone that still uses a legit mp3 player. So thats neat.

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