Getting on my nerves

Look at this shit.  I think I might send this link to Louie Simmons:

I’ve told Andy and George how much the chains suck (what is that 7 lbs of chain on each side that’s leaving the floor).  They asked me how to set up bands for benching, and I told them the best way (you gotta double the bands up & pull em through a heavy dumbbell, trust me i only did this shit for over a year) but they continue to use a single long ass mini band looped from one collar, under the bench, and then to the other collar; it provides like 8 lbs of band tension when you do it this way.  And let’s not even talk about box squats.

Arrived at the gym at the same time as Andy one day.  In the locker room, he took some wrinkled article of clothing out of his bag, and made a face.  I noticed this and asked him if he left his old workout clothes in there by mistake.  He said something like “oh I always do this.”  He was astonished when I said I washed my clothes after every workout (i have five pairs of shorts, 5 pairs of soccer socks and unlimited army surplus t-shirts) and even joked that this was “kinda anal.”  I retorted that not washing your clothes was “kinda unsanitary” and he told me that before the meet, he went 12 weeks without washing his gym clothes.

When I gossiped told this story to John the bodybuilder (he actually made an “ugh” face as soon as I said Andy’s name), he said, “No wonder that guy always smells so bad.”  I personally don’t have much of a sense of smell, so I honestly never noticed.  (The only person’s BO who I’ve ever noticed besides my own is White Lightning – so think how bad he must smell)

Hot chick, short-ish brown hair, maybe 35-40, always wears black spandex shorts & does so many exercises requiring her to prominently display her ass (squats, rdl, different kind of rdls, good mornings, dumbbell deadlifts, etc and etc) that I thought she was a stripper.  Then her trainer (gym manager) mentioned to me that she competes in fitness shows.  So basically, same thing. 

He told me that he was putting her on 5/3/1 so she could build more muscle; it’s working, she’s certainly looking more manly (still quite fuckable)

Our 2-3 spoken interactions (over the last 4 months or so since she started coming to the gym) have been brief and very polite.  For example:

Her [takes off headphones]: Excuse me.

Me [takes off headphones]: Yes?

Her: Are you using the 10 pound bumper plates?

Me: No, here you go [hands her the nearest one]

Her: Thank you.

Me: You’re welcome.

But our non-verbal communication is on an entirely different level.  First of all, we never even nod hello to each other.  She was on my “Don’t go out of my way to greet, but nod hello and grunt ‘how ya doing’ if we make eye contact or pass by each other” list.  (besides my 6 or so acquaintances, about 20% of the not-new gym population is on this list, with the other 80% on the “don’t make eye contact” list).  But several times when I passed by her, say, on my way into the gym while she was going to the water fountain, she just stared blankly ahead.

And a few times I’ve actually caught her giving me dirty looks.  Not sure if because:

1. She notices that I occasionally glance at her fat pussy lips from behind when she is doing one of her many bending-over type exercises

2. She always yields to me, doing her 115 lb (good form) squats on the platform and never ever asking how many more sets in the rack I have left.  Even though my answer would be “just a few more heavy ones than i can switch with you,” it’s possible she fears I might answer “hahahaha are you fucking serious” (which, of course, is what i’d like to say if she asked)

Speaking of squat rack courtesy, George came in on Friday.  I was attempting to hit a PR on low-bar squats.  He sat down near the rack.  Two weeks before, George and Andy did heavy squats on Friday at about that time.  So I told him that I had a few more heavy sets left, then I’d let him use it and move over to the half-rack that faces the mirror.

He warmed up on that rack, and I kept him posted about about how much time I had left.  I finished up in 15 minutes and we switched.  I did volume work with 390 in the shitty rack.  And he did fucking speed squats 245x12x2 in the good one you’re fucking kidding me, right.

From somewhere, Andy and George found two other fat bearded guys to work out with.  These two are the type of 5’10, 275 lb, red faced fuckers that Fatman would make fun of. 

Not sure if they are on team Lone Star Barbell yet.  All four were there on Saturday, at an otherwise slow time, doing bench assistance, lat pulldowns, whatever.  I was doing bench/squat, then squat/deadlift.  One of these guys came over near the end of my workout and asked me how long I was gonna be in the squat rack. I was a little pissed about the previous day’s incident, and  I told him 25 minutes, but did offer to switch to the other rack – if he set up the bar with the weights I needed.   He declined, and just worked out on the half-rack.  He was a pretty big guy and I did feel a tiny bit guilty like maybe he’s a huge squatter (though he sure had not been doing anything impressive so far) and he’ll jump up right away to 5 plates while i hog the rack doing manta ray squats for endless doubles and triples with 350.  He worked up to 220 pounds.

College couple, probably 18 yrs old, mostly work out together (except she does extra cardio while he does some extra bullshit with dumbells, guy is short (my height) and shaggy hair and in okay shape in the sense that he’s not fat or skinny but looks like a normal person who has never lifted weights before.  Girl is like 5’1 and 95 lbs and looks a little like a bird, but a bird who I would definitely like to fuck hard.

The other day I was doing my squats and they come over to the tricep pulldown that is right in front of the squat rack and not only do like 30 sets each (while of course capering and talking and dancing around in between) but a good portion of these sets are like some sort of overhead extension deal where they have to move away from the pulley – and even closer to me so now they’re literally four feet from me each time i take the bar out of the rack.

At first, I was not bothered in the least by them being there.  I shamelessly stared at the girl’s ass and got amped by picturing all sorts of sexual encounters where she became overwhelmed with my manhood/weighty squats and demanded I immediately copulate with her, sometimes insisting that I tie her pussy boyfriend up first and make him watch and learn how to properly pleasure a woman.

But I’ve been having really bad allergies so I started to feel a little self-conscious about all the throat-clearing, coughing, and sniffling I was doing.  Not to mention the gym is really humid so I’m sure drops of sweat were flying off me and onto them.

So in terms of helping/hindering my squat it was a wash.

The one thing I couldn’t figure out though, is why they would decide that they needed to spend 30 minutes doing triceps on that particular pulley, when there are at least 4 others?


11 thoughts on “Getting on my nerves

  1. “The one thing I couldn’t figure out though, is why they would decide that they needed to spend 30 minutes doing triceps on that particular pulley, when there are at least 4 others?”
    One thing I love about you, Coach, is your endless optimism.

    • wait are you saying that you and everyone else but me grasps the reason why?
      or by my optimism do you mean that i’ve not yet realized that there is no logical reason for their actions, they just go to a gym and do a random exercise because they are ninnies.
      Fucking NPCs.

      • yeeeeey, they are NPCs! most people are NPCs and life is a sucky MMO (bad content, great graphics as long as you avoid any mirrors). other players are few and far between. when you meet players, they are rarely on the same quest as you.

      • No, you ask this question, not because you don’t have a clue why they did what they did, but because you’re hoping that it’s because the girl wanted to catch your attention/bask in your greatness, and we’re supposed to confirm this. Presumably it’s subconscious optimism, but I recognize it because I do the same thing.

        (Disclaimer: this comment and the one preceding were written during one of my “inscrutable humor” moods. If you find it bewildering, don’t worry, the problem is me, not you. Move along.)

        • oh, i get what you’re saying and i did allow myself to temporarily believe that because it aided my squats – but i’m not delusional enough to continue to believe it.

    • Coach they clearly saw your squat, were painfully aroused, and then were trying to recruit you for a threesome while showing you they were submissive by doing an inferior exercise.

      There a dude who always bring a pile of chains with him to my gym. Probably about the same amount as the guy in that video. He uses them on bench, squats, and deadlift. I don’t think I’ve seen him squat more than 315.

      • “Coach they clearly saw your squat, were painfully aroused, and then were trying to recruit you for a threesome while showing you they were submissive by doing an inferior exercise.”

        You mean the two fat red-faced dudes?

  2. There was an asian girl who used to workout when I used to go to a gym. Basically she would show up at 7 A.M on monday mornings. During this time I used to have classes at 11 A.M, so I used to go to the gym early to get in a workout, hot tub and catch the bus to SJ State.
    All I remember her ever doing was balance, squats and RDL’s. She was lacking boobs but her ass was out of this world and when she spread her legs to stretch you can only guess.. but after a few mondays I started to refer her as Miss Monday. It was only her and me in the morning weight room and while the rest of the other people were too busy on the elliptical and treadmills, we had formed a sweet unspoken love for eachother (as it is forbidden for a 19 year old boy to appreciate a nice 29 year old ass) in the weight room. She would always workout next to me even if there were other racks and machines open, her ass usually staring me right in the face as if to taunt me and the smile she used to give when we made eye contact.
    I spoke to her a few times and got somewhere about college and work bull shit. Once I caught her looking at me through the window swimming in the pool. She waved. Either way this continued every monday until the last monday when I got my home gym.
    Even though I didn’t love her, I liked the tension, it was uneasy something I am used to. It felt normal.
    I wonder if Miss Monday wonders where I ever went.
    Probably not.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s