Chav, the Boy who was made of Poop

A mini band has been mailed to Sweden.  The exciting story of that will be posted tomorrow.

Telling my son the bedtime story of “Chav, the Boy who was made of Poop”

Day 1: Chav’s parents can’t have children so they are very sad, but one day a magical old woman gives his dad a blue potion and tells him to pour it on the first brown thing he sees in their house.  But nothing in the house is brown because his side of the house is blue bc he wants a boy and his wife’s side of the house is pink because she wants a girl.  Then he takes a dump.  And he pours the potion on the poop because it is brown.  Chav is born and his parents enroll him in kindergarten bc it’s his first day of school.

Day 2: Chav is unpopular in kindergarten because when he touches stuff, poop gets on it.  Also, when he claps, poop splatters on the kids next to him.  But then the janitor shows up with terrible news:  Stall Three – the best toilet in the whole school – is clogged!

Day 3: Chav is hailed as a hero by his classmates when he volunteers to unclog the toilet.  The janitor shows him the toilet, which he says is “The Worst Clog in 25 Years.”  He throws Chav in the toilet and Chav swims to the bottom, where he sees a horrible sight…

Rex begged me to tell him what the sight was, but I’m making him wait for tomorrow night.  But I’ll give a special hint to my lucky blog readers: Aliens are behind this.

Good training day today (see below).  Then Andy and George showed up.  I was done with my heavy squatting so I let them have the rack.

Also Andy brought his fat friend who lifts multi-ply and didn’t compete in the meet because he’s coached by [Giant Multiply Powerlifter who is actually pretty famous but I forget his name] who has beef with Jimmy the Meet Director and wouldn’t let him compete. cough, cough, bullshit.  Andy taught him to deadlift sumo he worked up to 455 or so he weighs 242 or 275.  That’s fine, I’m just telling the facts, son.

George’s wife Rhonda wrapping his knees, he squats 405, which is a PR (he did 385 in knee sleeves at the meet).  I wish I could have a cute girl wrap my knees, or, since I don’t use wraps, maybe to put my belt on.  Actually my high soccer socks are the most annoying thing that I put on cause my feet are always sweaty and they fucking twist.  I digress.

Loud Larry arrived and marvelled at Fat Friend’s sumo deadlift.  He and Andy had a loud and stupid discussion about sumo deadlifting.  In Andy’s defense, any conversation Loud Larry has with anyone is stupid. A highlight was Loud Larry standing over the bar, getting in a sumo stance, then announcing to everyone in 3 counties:  “WOW I DON’T KNOW IF I HAVE THE HIP FLEXIBILITY TO DO SUMO, BUT I COULD TOTALLY LIFT THIS MUCH WEIGHT CONVENTIONAL!!!”

Andy hit 405, 495, 545, all high.  405 would have passed in our fed.  495 was doubtful, 545 no way, unless we’re talking SPF standards. (he did 525 no sleeves or wraps at the meet).  He didn’t ask me to judge his depth, so I didn’t tell him.

I left after watching 545.  #jealous #hater #hadtogethomeWifemadepancakes

College Kid Observer (shaking head in awe): Wow!

Fat Friend: Oh yeah! And it was so fast!


Me (forced by social convention to be polite and pretend to be enthusiastic) : Yeah.


He later went on to squat 585 you can judge the depth for yourself.

Fat Friend is on the right.  Can’t tell if there’s a spotter on the other side.  Not sure why using spotters in a power rack.

Weight: 190.6 (-1.8)

Low Bar Squat: 45×6, 45bbx5, 135bbx4, 225bbx3, 315bbx2, 365bb, 405bb, 435, 455, 465; 350x10x3

I’m sure it was high. #hypocrisy

BTN Press: 45×8, 95×4, 115×3, 130×2, 140×2, 150, 155, 160, 165, 170; 130x4x3

Sumo Deadlift: 6 sets, all PRs, up to 415 off 2.5″ deficit

Time: 2 hours


17 thoughts on “Chav, the Boy who was made of Poop

  1. I’m all about hating, especially others who are better, stronger, smarter, ect. That looked good to me. He’s probably a bad person or something.

    • yeah my judgment is clouded by jealousy and rage
      but hate = motivation – that is something that we can agree on, i think.
      he seems like a good person tho….oh wait i hate his fucking hashtags.

      • That didn’t look too high, it could have been good. I’m sure he’ll hit 565 in his next meet.

        Also miring on Andy’s short femurs. I guess you can hate him for his short femurs. ‘Cause dem’s perfect squat leverages thar.

  2. LFOD stands for live free or die? Holy shit. Unless he’s trying to rep New Hampshire like no other, I’m going to have to assume that Andy used to be an emo kid in high school who became metalcore guy in university and who then took up lifting and is now obsessed with being a tough guy. He should go on 70’s Big.

    • whoa – you’re either psychic, a spy – or Andy.

      tho I should point out that live free or die doesn’t have much of an “edgy” connotation here, it’s just like how in New York, everything is called Empire State ___ Empire State Diecasting, Live Free or Die Diapers, Golden State Warriors, etc

    • “I’m going to have to assume that Andy used to be an emo kid in high school who became metalcore guy in university and who then took up lifting and is now obsessed with being a tough guy.”

      Very astute. Couldn’t agree more, altho if he really wanted to max that factor out he’d have called it “Don’t Tread On Me Barbell” or something. But Caoch makes a good point too.

      • The progression usually starts with gauges because you don’t need your parents’ permission, then you get the tattoos after you change music scenes. When you’re old enough to grow a beard, you just grow a giant one and then all of a sudden you love masculinity and being tough. I bet he thinks vikings are cool.

        • you are quite the anthropologist (or sociologist?). But you missed somewhat here. Andy’s kinda peaceful and happy-go-lucky. I’m the angry misogynist. Also I guarantee his circle of friends/associates includes far more vegans and admitted homosexuals.
          Vikings are cool – but, like outlaw bikers and prison lifers, they’ve been ruined by being feminized on TV.
          About a year ago I learned my great – etc grandfather was a Visigoth. It changed everything.

        • “When you’re old enough to grow a beard, you just grow a giant one and then all of a sudden you love masculinity and being tough.”


          “and admitted homosexuals”

          Applauded at the implication of “admitted”.

          • I added that word in like 15 seconds after I posted. Cause Andy and Emma are pals with the lesbian couple who buy a house together and adopt kids; and the hipster flaming gay guy. On my team is the pot dealer’s dad from American Beauty.

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