Sophomoric Antics

Andy and George were at the gym.  Later Emma showed up and kicked the heavy bag and wore short shorts.  Andy wants to squat more volume so he is doing 5×5 MWF, going up 5 lbs at a time.  Today he was using 330.  His squats were high (maybe legal in our fed), but George told him he was good.  He needed like 15 minutes between sets, so I just used the platform like a boss until he was done, and did not show my annoyance.


The Enemy showed up and used the platform after I’d switched over.  He just fucking irritated me today as he carefully set up his iPhone and his little bowl of chalk.  Then he stretched out thoroughly and put on his expensive-looking weightlifting shoes.  He squatted 95×5 and 115×5.  Then time for box squats.  He hauled out the little metal box that’s about 14″ high, wide and long, with rectum-perforating edges and corners, then did 135×3 and 155×3.  He didn’t actually touch the box, he went down until he was just over it, like it was a dirty toilet bowl.  Why he needed the box to (presumably) check his depth was beyond me, since the platform faces a mirror.  I ignored him glared at him with contempt and went about my workout.

Then it was time to start deadlifting.  I started setting up my floor mats behind the platform.  This is where I always do my deadlifts.  There’s only one other place with enough room, which is behind the half-rack.  Anyway, if someone’s using the platform, I usually ask say “Hey, I’m going to deadlifts back here, but don’t worry, I won’t go when you’re doing a set.”

But the Enemy was sitting on his little box, playing with his iPhone – and I hate him so much I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him civilly.  He was very close to the back edge of the platform.  I figured he would move over a little or get up and do a set since it took me several minutes to set up for deadlifts (I threw some mats on the floor, did a set of squats, brought the bar over, got more mats, did another set of squats, all while he was sitting there) But he didn’t move.

So I set up – not facing the mirror as I like to do, which would have made me look right at him.  Instead, I bent down, stuck my butt way out, and waggled it in his face as I seized the bar.  I probably could have broke wind and knocked him off the box.  I admit that, instead of the quick descent that I’ve been practicing the last couple of days, I did linger for several additional moments in a position that could be described by onlookers either as “stretching my hamstrings” or “sticking my ass in his face.”

After I did the set, I heard him scooting the box further away.  Then he packed up and left, without doing his traditional pants-falling-down chinups, useless stretching, or 100kg deadlifts with straps.


Weight: 188 (-1.2)

Manta Ray Squat: 45×5, 135×3, 225×3, 275×2, 315, 335, 355, 370, 380; 285x10x3

Volume: 8550

Behind the Neck Press: 45×6, 95×3, 139×2, 149, 159, 169; 120x8x3

Volume: 2880

Quit floor press at least for a while.  Now I do 5 exercises if you count my two kinds of squats differently.  And count all my deadlifts as “banded deficit deadlifts” although sometimes the band and/or deficit is none.  Also not counting extra upper back work which I do sometimes or my shoulder band pulling which I do always.

Sumo + Strong band

This is a ridiculously thick band adding 200+ lbs at the top.  11 sets, all PRs since it was the 1st time I’ve done them.  Up to 205 off the floor, which was pretty easy except my foot slipped and I dropped the weights on it.  Thankfully did not break a toe or pull my groin.  Felt embarrassed.  Probably karma.  Repeated the set.

Time: 1:50

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24 thoughts on “Sophomoric Antics

  1. I felt bad because yesterday I deadlifted 100kg for a bunch of reps.

    Though I’ve never used chalk or straps and I didn’t get lifting shoes until I was front squatting over said 100kg. Also my lifting shoes are $60 Chinese ones that look really corny.

  2. For real tho. People srs get lifting shoes to do front squats with 95lbs and shit like that?

    The “Crossfit” kinda mentality is really weird and nonsensical. Like the Mehdi at my gym (guy who does the shoulder rubber band stretches) talks about needing to do Crossfit for endurance for soccer. I don’t quite understand even the point of *muscular* endurance training. Like srs. What exactly is the point? Within reason if your 1-5 (or hell, even 10, for sake of argument) max goes up, your muscular endurance goes up. Obviously a guy who can bench 300lbs is going to have a much easier time doing 135 for a zillion reps than a guy who can only do 185. As far as vo2 max and metabolic conditioning and whatever, I mean, there’s only two pathways, aerobic and anaerobic. I wouldn’t go swimming with a weighted vest on to get stronger, so why would I use a barbell for cardiovascular conditioning? Basically, why not just do strength program and then light/moderate cardio?

    I mean one Crossfit guy I know, he did sum it up fairly well, and I guess I get it. He’s like “yeah, I could do heavy lifting and stuff, but that’d take like 2 hours in the gym. With Crossfit, I just do the WOD, go to the gym for an hour, get my workout in, and leave. I got kids and work and stuff.” In that regard I guess it makes sense and I respect him for his honesty of really just wanting to do Crossfit to be mediocrely “fit.” I mean, admittedly, I used to lift 5 days a week for an hour or two everyday and made fuckall progress. But now my lifting takes up 6 hours a week and it’s only 3x a week and most of these Crossfit people spend the same amount of time at least per week in the gym.

    • Why crossfit doesn’t work for me or most other people around here is that we have goals. The “goal” of crossfit is to work out and get “fit” whatever the fuck that means. I did crossfit for a month and found it a totally random waste of time. One work out was as many Turkish get ups as possible in 20 minutes with a 35# kettlebell. Obviously this is retarded. Another one was push ups and running. After that workout I told the gym owner I can do this at home so see ya. Saved my money and bought rack, barbell and weights. I workout alone, get stronger in a logical progression, and don’t have to deal with gym douche bags. There are not hot babes in my home gym, but honestly I find most girls stupid and annoying and don’t want to be around them anyway no homo.

      • as i said before i kinda liked the randomness. it was hard. i had fun. talked to my wife about it a lot and bothered her, just like I did with Westside, Dinosaur training and Broz.

        this guy isn’t a total crossfitt douche like the other guys that i’ve made fun of from my gym. id describe him as a really really bad weightlifter who also does chinups and leg raises (and has a pudgy stomach)

    • yeah, the shoes are fine, even though i think louie simmons said “don’t have 100 dollar shoes and a ten cent squat” but i mean when a little kid starts skating, you buy him ice skates. or wrestling shoes if he’s a wrestler. you don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars, but I see the point that chuck taylors are not for everyone. anyway, you do this in the hope that the little kid will improve himself and not be a piece of shit who brings shame on the gym or ice rink forever.

      it’s funny that i write long serious article blog posts that get almost no comments besides “lol”. Then i write about sticking my butt in a guy’s face and there are two well thought out crossfit comments.

      but celica, I do disagree about your Aerobic OR Anaerobic, with no value towards weighted endurance. I mean if I was a strongman competitor, a wrestler, a firefighter, or a soldier, I think there should be something between lifting and running.

        • i don’t know who you’re duh-ing. but yeah. that’s what i meant there’s some value to keg-carrying, farmers walks, heck i even think high rep olympic lifting as long as you don’t fuck yourself up. not that such a thing needs to be invented, just that some people should do it.

          • I mean the duh to there being something in between lifting and cardio.

            Cardio meaning LSD shit of course. HIIT is cardiovascular conditioning as well.

      • I guess, but again, I’m going to use an alien as an example, but Mariusz Pudzianowski. He swam 3 miles at least 2x a week (I heard per day) and jumps rope 15 minutes a day, and even does distance running. Along with the strongman stuff. Obviously he was the best performing and leanest amongst all his competitors, so…

        Basically, my point is like, it’s better to do stuff for a specific purpose. Like I lift weights to improve my power production. I could put ankle weights on while I skate, but it’d be pointless and dumb. Like I can see “the point” of doing Crossfit/high intensity interval type of stuff, but I still feel it’s overstated and is just a trendy thing in fitness right now.

        Oddly, too, in case you can’t tell, I’m actually ALMOST of the opinion of Mark Rippetoe on endurance training, ie, it’s pointless. Just Mark goes crazy crazy in the opposite direction and has a plan that only works by shoving your face with food (and not being actually even a real program) and getting fat, and him advocating getting fat and being a HAESman for big beautiful weightlifting men, thus pretty much negating any athletic gains you can get from lifting weights if you’re an actual athlete and your sport isn’t powerlifting in a 220+ class.

        Basically I think instead of doing Crossfit, athletes would be better off just lifting on a strength program and then however many times a week based on their needs/wants for more endurance work, go do aerobic exercise for an hour or whatever aside from their sport.

        However I could be totally wrong from a normal human perspective. Normal humans have to see their kids and wanna just get a workout in and leave in 45 minutes and go about their day.

        • this article is a little off-topic but I found it enjoyable: http://www.completehumanperformance.com/say-no-to-gpp.html

          anyway, your arguments are a bit all over the place here.

          Let’s say I’m a wrestler. The best conditioning for wrestling is wrestling, 2nd is drilling wrestling, obviously, but sometimes the gym is closed, or there’s no one to practice with.

          So I’m saying if I had a choice between running 5 miles, or carrying some giant sandbags back and forth until I puked, I would choose the sandbags. Or the prowler. Or the turkish getups for time.

          • Tell Andy my plan of 70% for 5, then 80% for 3, repeat 5-6 sets. Add weight, another set, pause, whatever, if it gets too easy. On days you feel too beat, do 70% for 5×5.

            I dunno, I had a good feeling from that military press.

          • he’s doing 60% x 5 x 5 then adding 5 lbs each workout. What weight will be the last that he does 5×5 at before deciding that it is too hard? I’m thinking 365 but maybe it will be 405. You and I would have delusions of just going up to 700 or 800 or so like that.

          • I have to be totally honest, 79% for 5×5 sounds like a waste of time to me. My cycle starts out with 75% for 5×5 and even that is super super easy.

            But then again, my percentages are really accurate since they are based of an actual 1rm after peaking, so I guess using lower numbers can help from the slop of not having a hard figure to work off of.

          • *70%

            but damn, of course someone progresses faster using lower weight to start. fuck me, as usual.

  3. Isn’t Andy the guy who squats 500+? And isn’t this reason enough for you to start doing whatever he’s doing, or at least consider abandoning Broz?

      • What’s this Westside for kids thing? And isn’t 525@220 sort of the same Wilks as 470@181, only with (in his case) less time spent squatting?

        • like he doesn’t use bands or chains and seems to hardly ever go heavy or do a lot of the other things that westside recommends.
          his wilks is slightly better at the squat. mine is better overall i had a bad squatting day okay. no there’s no excuse. i had just got over the infuriation and was moving into my phase of condescension but your return has set everything back two weeks.
          my main aggravation with andy though is the long rest breaks – and just a general jolliness and confidence about him.
          I tried westside for sometime and it just didn’t seem to be that great for raw lifters. maybe i will try it again. not right now. more broz.

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