This is not the erotic post you were looking for.

This morning and yesterday, I felt pretty good.  Even been getting lots of sleep.  But when I started to work out, I felt unreasonably fatigued.  So rather than push through and give myself mono, or relapse, I called it quits early.

In the locker room I always have a dilemma about where to drink my protein shake.  Today I didn’t deserve my protein shake but I drank it anyway because neglecting post-workout nutrition is a good way to get sick(er).

The most natural place to drink the protein shake is by the sink.  That’s because after I chug it, I always have some residue, so I add more water and finish it off.  Do I enjoy looking at my four-pack in the mirror, which is only visible under certain lighting conditions and when I lift one arm in the shake-drinking motion?  I’m not gonna lie.  Do I enjoy it enough not to be self-conscious about anyone seeing me ‘mire in the mirror?  Or even think that I’m ‘mirin?  Nope.

So I should leave my shirt on.  Wrong. First of all, my shirt is completely soaked in sweat and stinks.  That’s the first thing I take off.

Another bad thing about the sink/mirrors is that they’re right by the toilets.  So I don’t want people to think I’m a meatgazer.  Or to smell some guy’s nasty dump while I’m trying to drink a lumpy chocolate peanut-butter flavored beverage.

So I can go over to the old guy changing area and sit down/relax on a bench.  This is a good choice, unless I’m in a hurry.  Or if there’s an old guy getting changed. Old guys are always naked, at least from the waist-down, and like to ask a lot of questions:

I see you here…often.  Do you compete?  Were you in the service?  Fine/nasty weather we’re having, eh?  Hot/cold enough for you?  I used to lift heavy weights but then I had the arthritis/gout/back surgery.  It happens to everybody eventually…

Ugh.  So I can go over to my locker and drink my shake.  Then, while I’m sitting/standing there with all my clothes and gear on the bench/spilling out of my locker, a fat naked guy will come out of the sauna dripping wet, holding a soggy newspaper.  Inevitably his locker will be right next to mine, even if we are the only two people in the gym.  

Weight: 193.4 (-3.8)

Manta Ray Squat: 45×4, 135×3, 225×2, 315, 345, 360, 375, 385

DB Bench: 30,35,40,45,50,55 x 20

Partial Squat #9: 405, 495, 585, 610

So at least I broke one PR.  I squatted in excess of the world record while sick.  Yes, I know, I’d have to go 12 inches lower to hit parallel for it to mean anything.  Yes, I know that if I squatted 600 to depth, I’d be able to do 1000 lbs to pin #9.  Still, it’s something.

Time: 1 hour (included a lot of sitting on benches between sets)

Came home super early.  Wife was naked and in bed, with window wide open.  Odd.


29 thoughts on “This is not the erotic post you were looking for.

    • Not everyone’s angus is peppered for 300mg. I’m a coffee fiend and occasionally take a 200mg pill that gets me all hot and bothered. I’m pretty sure it’s not your typical 200mg of caffeine though (its the one vitamin shop sells in the blue/red bottle, whatever the fuck it is). Plus then good luck going to sleep ever again. Brb going for a sluggish workout.

  1. My post workout nutrition was a dinner roll and a 90 calorie pack of “beef” lunch meat from my local Walmart after I cashed in bottles which took over a half hour easily. In the locker room I eat jam sandwiches to fill my glycogen stores back up. Or fruit.

      • listen, mane – I know you aren’t a fan of bro science, and you like being contrary, but what harm will it do you to eat 1g/lb + of protein? I eat probably 250 g of protein a day. I guess I do more intense resistance training than most people though.
        I guess this goes for everybody: Don’t throw the protein and intensity out bc you don’t like the chucks and heavy metal music.

      • Gotta say, I don’t think I get one gram per pound of BW every day. Usually between 150-200. I don’t eat the requisite 3,500 calories or whatever either.

      • fats, i’m not gonna preach the ZOMG if you don’t eat mega protein you might as well not even lift. Or that 1.03 g/lb is better than 0.99 g/lb. I just think consistently eating “lots” of protein is a better idea for those doing intense strength training than eating “not lots”

      • Ohhhhh that kind of roll…looking at it now it’s obvious. For some reason I thought is was some weird walmart roll-up thing…like a meximelt or something. I feel idiot.

    • More carbs=bigger lifts, higher jumps, better mood, more energy.

      More protein=nothing.

      Today I got 145g, though. Just give it a try for like a week. Eat like 400g carbs, mostly complex ones but some simple sugars, then like 100-150g protein. Tell me your lifts don’t improve. No need for 300mg caffeine preworkout. Just eat carbs. You’re just replacing carbs with caffeine. It’s pointless.

      To be fair I could do better eating cleaner. I got more onto the “iifym” thing and eat trashier stuff on a more routine basis now. I’d probably be eating close to 1g per pound if I decided to not have sugary stuff and ate like beans instead for those calories.

      • i do get plenty of carbs that’s how i got my weight up to 200 lbs. i still eat carbs, just not as many. that’s how my weight will go down again. carbs are good and give you energy, i agree. in excess, they give you a gut. no matter what i always eat a lot of veggies. veggies don’t count as carbs (except potatoes).

      • The actual science says carbs really can’t make you gain much fat. De novo lipogenesis, or creating fat from carbs, in humans is very rare. As for the insulin monster, insulin will only store the fat you eat. So if you don’t eat much fat, then it can’t store any since the carbs aren’t creating much fat.

        However people vastly underestimate the amount of fat they eat. If you eat a lot of meat especially, if it’s not white fish or chicken breast, lots of fat. An 80/20 hamburger is something like 20g of fat. Most Americans get like 30-50% of their calories from fat alone, then blame the carbs for putting the fat in their fat cells.

        Anyway, I have an axe to grind as I tried the “eat a ton of meat/eggs/cheese” diet thing so often touted and I just got fat, got sick, and was miserable. Nowadays I keep intake of those things low (but not entirely eliminated) and feel great eating 400-500g carbs a day most days (but only like 50g fat.)

      • I think the takeaway here is that not everything works for everybody. Personally, I’ve been doing well on a high protein, high fat, lowish carb diet, with intermittent fasting-style meal timing. (Basically, if I ate my normal amounts the day before, I can go 24 hours without eating anything before my blood sugar starts dropping. I’ve lifted fine after a 20 hour fast, and never notice an increase in energy levels from eating something prior to a workout.)

        I wouldn’t say I do poorly on carbs, but I didn’t start putting on much muscle mass until I started getting at least 200 grams of protein per day.

        Obviously, my body works differently from Celica’s.

        Also. I am very skeptical about that statement that “carbs really can’t make you gain much fat.” Actually, I’m gonna word things differently. Because carbs get metabolised before fats, causing fats to get stored instead of burned, carbs are making you gain fat. Once you cut out some carbs, your body has to use your dietary fat to make up your energy usage. Meaning less fat gets stored.

        Also. Actual Sport Nutritionists say strength and power athletes need on the upwards side of .9 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight (NSCA), just depends on who you read. Personally, I think the realm of nutrition is so poorly understood that the “Nutritionists” are just as bad as the bros. But at least the bros might have experience to back their claims up. You can find nutritionists that claim that the human body is incapable of digesting more than 30 grams of protein per meal. In other words, if you eat more than a 4 oz steak, it a waste. Others will tell you thats bunk. Plus they all make such sweeping prescriptions… Like I said in the beginning, everyone is different. Some are different in little ways, some are different in big ways. But it’s there.

      • From what I’ve seen/experienced,

        carbs + fat = fat
        carbs + protein (no/low fat) = muscle mass
        fat + protein (no/low carbs) = lose fat if obese

        Equation 1 is what makes most fat people fat. Fried food washed down with Beetusjuice, chips, etc.

        Equation 2 has been accepted pretty much unanimously by the BBing community, i.e. the leading experts in building muscle.

        Also calorie estimates “for active people” are bunk and ridiculously high. Lifting weights doesn’t burn much calories at all, and the “resting calorie burn by muscle tissue” (which puts your body in a catabolic state… which is magically preventable by ingesting BCAAs… which muscles do not use as a fuel source) doesn’t even deserve to be categorized as Broscience.

      • Wo and Fats: Thanks for bringing science to my blog when I am too tired/apathetic to do so. Also, I concur that Celica may have different macronutrient needs. I will go a step further and say that Celica might actually be from an entirely different species. I’m thinking either Reptilian or Grey.

        Fats: I agree with all your points for once, except that I think that different types of weight training do burn more calories. When I trained almost exactly like you do on your blog, you are correct – I did not burn very many. When I did Crossfit (which admittedly is not pure weighttraining) I burned a lot of calories, especially since a lot of the workouts were pretty short in duration. On my current plan, I also burn quite a bit. Not enough to eat lard cakes and sausage for every meal, and not as much, as say, a two-hour wrestling/jiu-jitsu practice – but it’s significant.

  2. So I’m doing my squatmornings, and I catch a glimpse of my neck/face in the mirror…see some pretty joocy veins popping out of my neck, a hint of purple in my face, and as I’m grinding out my last rep, what pops into my mind? You guessed it, Fatman’s Unit. Fuck.

    Also two qt3.14s were squatting in the rack next to me, mirin my slightly-higher-than-average-but-who-am-i-kidding squats. The alpha says “Okay now I’ll show you how to bail out of a squat!” My ears were suddenly berated with the clanging of a thousand barbells. I look over and she’s laying on the ground, and the barbell’s on the pins. So if you’re squatting and the weight is too heavy (or Fatman’s dick pokes your brain), make sure to land on your face; it’s the only viable course of action.

  3. More about your wife please. Why were the windows open? Did you have a conversation with her? Does she always sleep naked? Is she on drugs?

  4. I’ve been eating less proton than subaruyy lately and don’t feel as bad as I expected. I think its just a phase though, I will probably get back on that powdered monkey in another week or two. Caffeine wise I just downed a monster zero before class and then afterwards got a double espresso for the price of an americano – cheating the system, 30c at a time….

    • I finally started tracking my calories, and realized I was eating a stupid low amount of protein and calories in general. For the past two weeks I’ve been getting at least 1g/lb and bulk mode calories. I need to find another excuse for being weak fast.

      I just bought a Keurig too so my heart is probably going to explode soon from all the coffee and tea.

    • I tried ~100g protons/day for 4 months and made 0 gains. Basically I couldn’t justify spending money on whey, so just ate 1lb of meat per day, along with much veggies, and 1.5 potato or rice or whatever. I’m back on the whey train and making progress, which shouldn’t be surprising.

      In general, you’d be hard pressed to find somebody eating BW g protein/day and not making (muscle) gains, whereas it’s much less common to find somebody making gains on relatively small number of protons/day. So why not just eat the extra protons.

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