Near the end of my workout, the little man from Anecdote 3 showed up.  TLDR: He’s a guy about my age, but with all gray hair, who’s been going to the gym forever, is terribly weak – and in our only two previous interactions ever, both times asked me why anyone would possibly need to lift as much weight as I do.

Today he was squatting 135, not going parallel, and struggling with it.  (I noticed this later, I actually wasn’t paying attention to him, because I was trying to finish up.)  As I was loading a barbell, he waved in front of my face, so I took off my headphones to hear what he had to say:

So, what – are you like living at the gym now?

Seriously, I do spend a lot of time at the gym.  Average of two hours a day.  But how would he know, since I’ve only seen him one other time since last month?  If it was anyone else, I would have responded differently:

To a Moper/Blog Buddy/Internet Friend:

Yeah, I’m a total fucking loser.

To someone at the gym who I’m pals with:

Yeah, pretty soon I’m just gonna set up a cot so I won’t have to go back and forth to my house.

To my wife:

[…] i.e. nothing, because she wouldn’t say shit, because when I told her I planned on going to the gym everyday, she said “That’s nice, honey” i.e. “I’m going to bring dudes over while you’re gone.”  Kidding.  Hopefully.

What I actually said to this smirking, passive-aggressive, jealous, only-talk-to-me-to-subtly-put-me-down-to-feel-better-about-why-he-sucks cunt:

What fucking business is it of yours how much time I spend at the gym?  Huh?

The smirk vanished. He was taken aback and gestured at my “massive” RDL barbell loaded to 295 and my staggering squat barbell of 315 and lamely said, “I just meant because you’re, like, moving the big weights, heh, heh.”  Right.

So I just put my headphones on and he kept talking but I couldn’t hear him any more.  I’m sure he thinks I overreacted – probably gonna tell anyone who will listen that I’m on steroids, unemployed, recently divorced, and/or dangerously mentally ill.

I studiously avoided him, did my last two sets and left.  On the way out, the guy was coming back from the water fountain, which is on the way to the exit.  I didn’t have my headphones on and he stopped me and said, “I’m sorry about offending you before.  I was just trying to be friendly.”

Listen, there are a lot of ways to be friendly at the gym:  The geezer who makes lame chit-chat about the weather while I drink my protein shake; the chick who asked me how to do Romanian Deadlifts and now waves at me when she sees me; even the gay guy who offered me a clementine in the locker room when we were both in our underwear – all of these are better examples of “trying to be friendly” than this douchebag.

But honestly, I didn’t want him to think that I was going to wait for him and beat him up, so I just said “No problem, man,” and kept walking.

Thinking to myself: This will be good for the blog.  The Swede will think it’s funny.  Fatman will probably say I overreacted like an immature tool. 

And also thinking: I hope I don’t get kicked out of the gym.  I mean, seriously – I practically live there.


Manta Ray Squat: 45×4, 135×3, 225×2, 285, 315, 335, 355, 370, 380, 390

Low Box Squat: 135×2, 225, 285, 315, 335, 355, 360

Medium Grip Bench: 45×10, 95×3, 135×3, 175×2, 215, 245, 275, 295, 315; 300×2,3,5

Pecs sore.

Manta Ray Squat: 295,300x1p, 305,310,315,320,325×1, 315×3

Cable Crossover: 4 light sets

Snatch Grip Deadlift: 135×3, 205, 275, 345, 415, 430

RDL: 295x3x3


12 thoughts on “Showdown

  1. >Fatman will probably say I overreacted like an immature tool.

    If he doesn’t I will….why’d you go all paul carter on him?

      • Nah, man, he’s a normal guy, normal intelligence. Those wre other examples of veiled insults that passive-aggressive people like to use.

        Listen, here’s two better options that would make me respect him more: Either do what I do and quietly think awful things about people but be too polite to say them (then post them on a secret blog) Or, be a man and fold your arms and say to me, “You spend too much time in the gym. That’s unhealthy. I work out for 20 minutes twice a week. Sure I’m not as strong, but I don’t want to be.”

        Also, everyone makes mistakes and foot-in-mouths, or makes harmless but misinterpreted comments. But 3 times – and those are your only interactions with me? And it’s worth flagging me down to get me to take off my headphones to hear this? Nah bro, you’re pushing 40. Time someone called you on that shit.

  2. Pingback: I only came here to do two things, man… | Coach's Blog

  3. It’s nobodies business how much time you spend at the gym, however I came to the conclusion you spend more time trolling.

  4. Pingback: Ain’t a vest that they make that can take a chopper. | Coach's Blog

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