A one-act play.
Scene: Utter blackness. Two voices are heard: WAITER, who speaks with a snooty English accent; and AMERICAN, with the commanding baritone voice of one used to being obeyed.
Waiter: Sir, would you perchance like some guacamole with your chicken?
American: Yes. Yes I would. Double guacamole for me.
Waiter: Double guacamole, sir?
American: Make it triple.
Waiter: Sir, may I suggest that – in addition to being prohibitively expensive – triple guacamole may overpower the flavor of your chicken…
American: Triple-double guacamole.
Waiter (spluttering): I…I’ll have to check with my manager. This is a most outlandish request!
American: Check with the manager? I own this restaurant! That’s right, I’m the owner – The Guacamole King of Chicago!
Waiter: Mr. Christmas? I beg your pardon sir, I didn’t recognize you. Terribly sorry. Please, let me fill your plate with our delicious guacamole.
The lights flash on. Instead of a fancy restaurant, we see COACH (short, bearded, simian, wearing gray Army sweatpants and a black t-shirt) standing by himself in the kitchen of a squalid apartment. Childrens’ toys, gaudy powerlifting trophies, and worthless diplomas are strewn everywhere.
Coach stands at a counter, scooping guacamole from a large tupperware onto a plate with a chicken breast on it.
Coach (in “American” voice): That’s right, fill her up, old sport!
Coach (in “Waiter” voice): But sir…
Suddenly, the door to the apartment opens. Enter KARENA, carrying a shopping bag.
Karena: What are you doing?
Coach (startled, in his own voice): Making lunch.
Karena: Who are you talking to?
Karena: I heard voices.
Coach: The baby.
Karena (looking around): Where is the baby?
Coach (glancing quickly at closed bedroom door): Um, taking a nap.
Karena folds her arms, frowns.
Karena: So you were talking to the baby – while she slept – through a closed door?
Coach: Uh, well…
Karena: Do you have some guy here with you? Because I heard male voices.
Coach: No! Look, I was talking to myself, all right?
Karena: In two different voices? Okay, that’s kind of creepy.
Coach (in waiter’s voice): Sir! The restaurant is nearly out of guacamole!
Coach scoops another heap of guacamole onto his plate.
Coach (in booming American voice): I don’t care! I want it all – I’m the Guacamole King!
Karena (shaking her head sadly): If I’d have known you were going to act like such a freaking loser, I wouldn’t have bought all those avocados.
Yeah, so avocados were on sale and all already ripe, so I made a lot of guacamole. Went pretty well as you can see.
High Bar Squat: 45×4, 135×3, 225×2, 315, 340, 365, 385, 395
Box Squat (3 – very low): 135×2, 225, 275, 325, 345, 350
High Bar Squat: 345p x 1, 350,355,360,365×1, 345×1,1,1,2,3
Standing Mil Press: 45×10, 95×4, 135×5, 140×4
DB Bench: 3 sets
Incline Pushups: 1 set
Tri Pushdown: 2 sets
RDL: 135×3, 205×2, 275, 345, 365, 385×3; 290×2,3