Stop Being So Nice

Notes: 330 people viewed my erotic story just today.  I’m going to write more crossfit porn.  Someone linked to it on their facebook.  That is awesome.

Usually I get a lot of motivation from secret agression at the gym.  I.e. hating everyone because they are stupid and weak and assholes and fail at doing any exercise with even a semblance of correct form.  Today this proved nearly impossible.

Incident One: Putting on my Chucks in the locker room.  Some college kid: “Hey man, anyone ever tell you that you look like Johny Hendricks?”  I didn’t know who he was, but when I got home I googled him and found out that he is an MMA fighter.  And both my wife and I agreed that I sort of do look like him.  See what you think:

ufc154_11_hendricks_vs_kampmann_009 Me

ad61ab143223efbc24c7d2583be69251_635x325Johny Hendricks

I personally think that this is the celebrity I look most like.

Incident Two: The butch crossfit lesbian with the knee brace was training some skinny new girl.  I watched as Butch did 1/3 rep front squats.  Okay, if you’re wearing a knee brace, that gives you license to not squat to parallel.  But she was imparting her half-assed form to her trainee.  I started to hate them with vigor.  Later I was squatting 405 and they were nearby (doing upright rows – aka shoulder destroyers, but I digress).  I turn my headphones down after my set and hear Butch say wistfully: “I wish I could squat that much.”

Incident Three: “Crossfitters” had infested the astroturf area and were doing things like split jerks with the bar, waving the “battle ropes” and wearing sleeveless t-shirts despite having no visible arm musculature.  A couple of them were foam rolling and eyeballing me.  I was using the power rack and I figured they were waiting to use it for 55 lb overhead squats or something.  So I went about my merry way until they came over to me, at which point I offered to move to the platform or half-rack.  The platform opened up and they took that.  Anyhow, the guy (trimmed beard, Chuck taylors, sweatshirt) worked up to 315×8 on deep squats.  (The girl, who was pretty – though a bit chubby – had a good but big ass, and was maybe part Asian. She was doing front squats correctly with 55 lbs).  I asked him what his best squat was.  Turns out he is a powerlifter and his best lifts were 455/303/??? at 220.  They are just visiting from California.  He said he trained Westside, though how this relates to squatting 315×8, I don’t know and didn’t care to ask.  Anyway, they were friendly and it was a good conversation. 

Incident Four: Some thin grey-haired guy in his late forties stops me on my way out of the locker room.  “Hey, do you mind if I ask you a question?”  “Go ahead.” I say.  “I watch you squatting while I’m on the treadmill and I just wanted to say, I’ve never seen a bar bend like that before!”  (Even though this wasn’t a question, and everyone who is reading this knows that bars bend with like 315, and therefore this isn’t impressive, it still made me feel good.)

So, yeah, people were really nice to me today and hopefully it will stop soon so I can have better workouts and hate-filled rants on my blog.

High Bar Squat: 45×4, 120×3, 190×2, 255, 315, 355, 385, 405, 415; 345,350,355,360,365,370,375×1, 345×2, 350,355,360×1, 345x5x1

Yeah, it’s cool.  I’ve done the math and in April I’ll be able to squat 410 for a single and 850 for a double.

Floor Press: 45×10, 95×3, 145×3, 195×2, 245, 265, 285, 290; 215,220×5, 225,230,235,240,245×4

RDL: 165×2, 235×2, 305, 335, 360×3; 265,270×3, 275×5

Did 360 super slow and strict because the powerlifter’s wife was watching. I still thought that she was a crossfitter and wanted to make her leave her husband for a real man.  I would not steal a fellow powerlifter’s wife.  (actually I would, i just need to use a lot more weight, I guess)

Front Squat: (135×1) 190, 225, 240, 255, 270, 285, 300; 225×5

Did all my front squats in about 7 minutes because I had to go home.  Up to 240 using the “real” grip. 

Cable Row: 2 sets

Workout took 2:10.  Tomorrow I’m going to go to the gym early because I’m sure it will be crowded.  Might floor press again so I monopolize less equipment.

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7 thoughts on “Stop Being So Nice

  1. What do you know, dead ringer for ‘im… *cough*

    “Real” grip, lol.

    Sometimes I’m conflicted about never having to deal with random people where I lift at… The closest I’ve got is parents of the ball-playing kids who come in to be trained by the people we share space with… And they just do a lot of staring, generally. But random people can be interesting, and sometimes they’re even hot girls…

    And then I read SIR’s New Year’s comics, and all is right with the world, as far as I’m concerned.

  2. I did a shitty job of telling the Hendricks story. Really, I told my wife, “hey google image Johny Hendricks” and she said “Ha! Why? – cause he looks exactly like you?” Later I tried to get her to take a shirtless pic of me from the traps up like the second one, but she was watching TV and told me to leave her alone.

    honestly, i do get motivated by all the antics and shenanigans. At this point if there is just a couple of old men doing machines, fat ladies on the treadmill and Chad – it’s pretty boring.

    and Sir is a god.

  3. When you floor press do you just go into a corner? I have seen a guy at my gym strip off all the bottom weights from the curl rack and leave them all over the floor and use the curl rack to do floor press. I was impressed with the usage of the rack, the inconvenience to curl bros and that he was doing over 315.

    • I just set the bar on the floor, in a good place to deadlift, usually in front of the rack I’m squatting on. Then I sit down with my legs under it and hip thrust it into position. Bret Contreras does this in a video somewhere. I used to use the power rack but I need that for squatting and I don’t want to get someone to lift off to me.

    • also I don’t know what a curl rack is. I’m guessing the pyramid rack thing with the fixed weight barbells on it? my gym doesn’t have fixed barbells. Honestly though, I like anything which inconveniences curlers. they are always in my squat rack.

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