Notes: 330 people viewed my erotic story just today. I’m going to write more crossfit porn. Someone linked to it on their facebook. That is awesome.
Usually I get a lot of motivation from secret agression at the gym. I.e. hating everyone because they are stupid and weak and assholes and fail at doing any exercise with even a semblance of correct form. Today this proved nearly impossible.
Incident One: Putting on my Chucks in the locker room. Some college kid: “Hey man, anyone ever tell you that you look like Johny Hendricks?” I didn’t know who he was, but when I got home I googled him and found out that he is an MMA fighter. And both my wife and I agreed that I sort of do look like him. See what you think:
I personally think that this is the celebrity I look most like.
Incident Two: The butch crossfit lesbian with the knee brace was training some skinny new girl. I watched as Butch did 1/3 rep front squats. Okay, if you’re wearing a knee brace, that gives you license to not squat to parallel. But she was imparting her half-assed form to her trainee. I started to hate them with vigor. Later I was squatting 405 and they were nearby (doing upright rows – aka shoulder destroyers, but I digress). I turn my headphones down after my set and hear Butch say wistfully: “I wish I could squat that much.”
Incident Three: “Crossfitters” had infested the astroturf area and were doing things like split jerks with the bar, waving the “battle ropes” and wearing sleeveless t-shirts despite having no visible arm musculature. A couple of them were foam rolling and eyeballing me. I was using the power rack and I figured they were waiting to use it for 55 lb overhead squats or something. So I went about my merry way until they came over to me, at which point I offered to move to the platform or half-rack. The platform opened up and they took that. Anyhow, the guy (trimmed beard, Chuck taylors, sweatshirt) worked up to 315×8 on deep squats. (The girl, who was pretty – though a bit chubby – had a good but big ass, and was maybe part Asian. She was doing front squats correctly with 55 lbs). I asked him what his best squat was. Turns out he is a powerlifter and his best lifts were 455/303/??? at 220. They are just visiting from California. He said he trained Westside, though how this relates to squatting 315×8, I don’t know and didn’t care to ask. Anyway, they were friendly and it was a good conversation.
Incident Four: Some thin grey-haired guy in his late forties stops me on my way out of the locker room. “Hey, do you mind if I ask you a question?” “Go ahead.” I say. “I watch you squatting while I’m on the treadmill and I just wanted to say, I’ve never seen a bar bend like that before!” (Even though this wasn’t a question, and everyone who is reading this knows that bars bend with like 315, and therefore this isn’t impressive, it still made me feel good.)
So, yeah, people were really nice to me today and hopefully it will stop soon so I can have better workouts and hate-filled rants on my blog.
High Bar Squat: 45×4, 120×3, 190×2, 255, 315, 355, 385, 405,
415; 345,350,355,360,365,370,375×1, 345×2, 350,355,360×1, 345x5x1
Yeah, it’s cool. I’ve done the math and in April I’ll be able to squat 410 for a single and 850 for a double.
Floor Press: 45×10, 95×3, 145×3, 195×2, 245, 265, 285, 290; 215,220×5, 225,230,235,240,245×4
RDL: 165×2, 235×2, 305, 335, 360×3; 265,270×3, 275×5
Did 360 super slow and strict because the powerlifter’s wife was watching. I still thought that she was a crossfitter and wanted to make her leave her husband for a real man. I would not steal a fellow powerlifter’s wife. (actually I would, i just need to use a lot more weight, I guess)
Front Squat: (135×1) 190, 225, 240, 255, 270, 285, 300; 225×5
Did all my front squats in about 7 minutes because I had to go home. Up to 240 using the “real” grip.
Cable Row: 2 sets
Workout took 2:10. Tomorrow I’m going to go to the gym early because I’m sure it will be crowded. Might floor press again so I monopolize less equipment.