HP Bloatware

Recently bought a new computer after the old one died.  Actually, Windows XP died.  The computer was fine hanging in there since 2004, but since:

  1. Reinstallation from D: (System Recovery) surprisingly worked – but I couldn’t upgrade to Service Pack 3
  2. Ubuntu 12 crashed all the time
  3. Ubuntu 11 couldn’t drive my printer or scanner (both worth more separately than the machine itself)
  4. Xubuntu and Kubuntu wouldn’t even install
  5. Jolicloud (based on Ubuntu 10) worked but I spent more time fiddling with things in some weird Linux background mode than I did getting work done.
  6. The wife needed Windows 7 for her work (when her laptop crashed, I replaced Vista with Ubuntu 11, which compromised our marriage by limiting her ability to play adware-infested browser games)

So, new computer, HP Pavilion p6-2100, purchased off Amazon.  Came loaded with Windows 7 and tons of bloatware.  I’m rating each item “Keep” or “Trash,” so future HP customers can decide if they can safely uninstall these programs.  Do it in the beginning so if you screw something up, you can quickly reinstall Windows/run recovery/return the computer without losing anything.

Quick reference: If the program name starts with HP, it’s trash, get rid of it.

Adobe FlashKeep
Cyberlink Power2Go – get a real media player.  Trash.
Cyberlink LabelPrint – Who gives a f*ck? Trash.
Facebook, Ebay – Really? I thought these were websites, not programs.  Trash.
HP Touchsmart – I think this is for touch screens, which I don’t have.  Don’t care.  Trash.
HP Calendar, Clock, Notes – Apps that require Touchsmart and are pieces of sh*t. Trash.
HPLinkUp – Yeah I want to link my computer to um… Trash.
HP RSS – oh, I’ve heard of this RSS thing. I’ll need to leave HP’s app on my system to use it. Not. Trash.
HP Recipebox – hahaha hahaha. Trash.
Bubble Wrap, Tap Tap Bear – You gotta be kidding me. Trash.
Metric Converter – a virus that erases your registry. Kidding. Just Trash.
Spot – Maybe it’s another game? Trash.
PDFComplete – HP went out of their way to find the worst PDF reader in the galaxy. (not counting Adobe’s turd, which they’d have had to pay for) Trash
Snapfish – F*ck you. Trash.
HP Weather – Cause there’s not enough weather info on the web, I’ll need to install this. Trash.
Sonic – some sort of player or reader. Trash.
HP Games – You mean playing Whack-a-Mole with bloatware isn’t fun enough for you? Trash.
HP Vision Trash.
SmartCenter – Hey, let’s put together combinations of “Smart” “Link” “Touch” and “Center” and make sh*tty programs. Trash.
Norton Antivirus – Yeah, bc I want a 60 day subscription to a program that is itself worse than most viruses. Trash.
MS Office Trial – LibreOffice is free.  MS Office is probably better, but like crack, they just want to get you hooked and take your $. Trash.
HP Update –  If you want to update sh*tty software, yay! If you want drivers, do you think you should go go to the HP website once a year and download them, or should you run something that checks the internet constantly and pesters you with popup windows? Run Once, get the drivers, bios, whatever, then Trash.
HP Service Activator – Don’t register products – that’s how you get junk mail, spam, and added to those various internet people finder. Your warranty is valid, they’ll use your serial number to check. Trash.
RealtekHDAudio – Something to do with the sound, that you’d better Keep.
AMD Drivers – HP kindly included graphic card drivers from 1993. Update and Keep.
Blio, Roxette, Mumblypeg, etc – If the program sounds like an elf, and google reveals it to be some sort of proprietary e-reader that only opens certain formats, then it’s – Trash
WildTangent Games – actually is some sort of adware. Seriously crap. Trash.
Internet Connection – I want internetz? Tries to sell you various “quality” ISP services like AOL. GTFO of my computer. Trash.
HP Odometer – Keeps a record of how many times your computer was turned on etc. One of the two tricky bastards to remove. Go here to learn how to uninstall it. (Scroll to the bottom and follow EDH1215’s instructions – they worked for me, though another guy found the registry key somewhere else on his machine. Tricksy Trash.
HP Support Information – All it does is open a popup window with your computer serial number, etc. Which is also on the actual computer. Can’t be uninstalled, but don’t worry about it, it’s about 100 k.  The problem is it is mapped to the shortcut key Ctrl-Alt-S, so go to the start menu, find it, right-click, properties, and erase the shortcut. Evil Trash.
Microsoft Live Essentials Writer and Mesh.  — All the other Live Essentials programs seem like Trash.  But I wrote this blog post in Writer.  It’s surprisingly awesome!  Mesh could be useful if dropbox goes out of business. Keep, and delete the “essentials” you don’t want.

Afterwards, run msconfig and disable all naughty programs in startup. I uninstalled all this stuff and my new computer runs great.


11 thoughts on “HP Bloatware

  1. FYI – I removed HP Support Info the same way the that HP Odometer is uninstalled.

  2. love your stile man! going to post a link to twitter to this me thinks 🙂 thanks for the chuckles! I myself reinstall the o.s from scratch no need to deel with the shitware 😀

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