I’m at the busstop at UNH. Two girls are also waiting. One is fat and wearing a trenchcoat. The other is skinny, has bright red dyed hair and various facial piercings and is wearing a vintage Army jacket, revealing that she attained the rank of “Tech Sergeant”
Skinny: I hope the bus comes soon; I have to poop so bad.
Fat: [Nervous laughter]
Skinny continues loudly elaborating on the urgency of her feces, using a number of synonyms and analogies.
I studiously ignore her, staring instead at my Kindle.
Skinny goes on to talk about how, lately, she’s had a lot of this sort of digestive/excretory distress. She discusses her new and improved diet. Of course, she’s a vegetarian.
Skinny: I haven’t eaten meat in like a month. I hope my parents send me some money soon. Eating right is so expensive.
Fat: I … uh…actually had meat the other day.
Skinny: You did?
Fat: Yeah, some canned chicken. It’s like 45 cents a can.
Skinny: It comes in cans?! The food industry in this country is so whack.
Skinny: You can get your protein without meat. [Dave?] is going to make me some bean [something or other].
Fat: I should eat more beans.
Skinny: You only need 25 grams of protein a day. People in this country eat way too much protein.
She continues about needing to poop until the bus arrives.
- If you are continually experiencing diarrhea and/or violent, unexpected bowel movements, you might want to change your diet, regardless of your political principles.
- If you want to build/maintain muscle mass, you need more than 25g of protein/day. Feel free to eat less, as it leaves more for us barbarians.
- I feel bad for the people sitting near Skinny on the bus.