more gym antics

You ever see the movie the Shining where Jack Nicholson kisses the woman and she turns out to be a dead naked corpse?  If not, just picture an old corpse of a 50 yr old woman that is starting to get puffy.  That is what the personal trainer at the gym looks like.  She seems to have lots of out of shape clients who are willing to pay her 85 dollars an
hour.  I’m not making this up.  She has skinny arms and legs and a puffy gut.  For story reference purposes her name is Lauren and the kid who seems to be in charge of the gym is Ralph.  I don’t think he owns it but i’ve never seen the owners. He’s a college kid and he’s skinny and it looks like the only thing he uses at the gym is the tanning beds but at least he seems like a nice guy when I’ve talked to him.  Anyway, I am deadlifting and I just did a warmup set with 195.  She comes over and taps me on the shoulder and I take my headphones off.

Lauren: I’ve noticed that you seem to put the weights on the bar really hard, is that a psyche up thing that you do to lift more weight?
Me (kind of embarrassed): Actually, I probably didn’t notice the noise because I had my headphones on.  I will be more conscious of it and not slam them on. (why anyone cares about this is beyond me but it’s easy enough and I wasn’t really paying attention)
Lauren: Because if you’re doing it for a psyche up I understand.  i’ve been involved in powerlifting (bullsh*t) and blah blah blah and heavyweights and I’m not trying to blah blah.  This isn’t Planet Fitness, but blah blah
Me: No, no, I got it, I’ll put them on quieter.
Lauren: Okay because if you need the noise to psyche you up, that is fine, you see blah blah blah it breaks my concentration blah blah
Me (interrupting): No, it’s cool.
Lauren: Oh and can you make sure not to drop the weights because underneath this rubber mat, the floor is concrete and we don’t want the bar to bend.
Me: I don’t drop the bar. (I’m telling the truth.  This is illegal in powerlifting anyway)
Lauren: Well there are some other guys who also do heavy deadlifts here (bullsh*t) and I’ll try to see if maybe Ralph could get you some towels or something for you guys to deadlift on.
Me: Okay (like towels will make a f*cking difference, also, they charge for the towels, so I’d be interested to see if they would give me 3 free ones every time I deadlift)
Lauren: Ralph, can you get him some towels?
Ralph: How about a mat?
I do my next set of 235.
Ralph returns with two sections of thick, folding tumbling mats.
Me: No – I’m not using that.  I’ll be standing in a hole.
Lauren: Maybe if he got you a third one to stand on.
Me: No!
Ralph: No, you know what, it’s gonna rip the mat or something, forget it.  The bar’s not going to bend.  Don’t worry about it.
Me: Thanks, I’ll be careful.
Lauren: Hmm (then goes off to be an annoying c*nt somewhere else.)


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