Thank Goodness We Lost

Of course I didn’t watch it, but I was pleased to read in the newspaper that Ghana beat the US in soccer.  Finally, I can stop hearing about soccer for another four years.  I rooted for Algeria to knock our team out, but I think it’s probably better that the US made it at least to this mediocre level.  If we do too poorly, I start having to read the “Why we are bad at soccer” articles.  We are also bad at cricket and ping-pong and I don’t have to hear about it – ever.  I guess I pay more attention to the World Cup than most people, because I know we beat England and they had riots in their streets, the coach was flogged, and the queen went to Wimbledon to pretend that she was interested in tennis instead.  Meanwhile in the United States, nobody cared except a handful of pretentious yuppies.  There are a few million soccer fans in the US, but they root for the Latin American country they came from.

  Soccer is like the metric system, the WNBA and gun control.  There’s a vast left-wing conspiracy to force these things on the American public, but because we stand (mostly) united against them, they are unsuccessful.  Anyone over 13 who plays soccer should be deported.  So yay Ghana, or whoever.  Just keep off my TV.

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