Guest Poster: Rex belongs in a zoo.

Above: Everything is wrong.

Today’s post is brought to you by my wife, Karena. She tells the story of our awful day at the zoo so well in an email, that I’ll just repost it here, changing only some of the punctuation and my name. Karena doesn’t call me “Coach” but that’s the name of the blog, so deal with it.

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Today we took Rex to the zoo because it was kid’s day. They had different games set up and the petting zoo was open. We had to wait in line for about 15min to get into the zoo. Rex did really well until Coach decided to get something from the car. As soon as Coach left, Rex cried his saddest cry and huge tears fell from his eyes. The grandfather behind us wiped Rex’s tears and told him it was going to be ok. When Coach came back Rex had a huge smile and the people in line with us thought it was cute. Once we got into the zoo, his cuteness faded and out came Rex the Intolerant. He didn’t care about the animals, he cared more about sticking his head through the railings, or grabbing peoples cameras. They had about 5 game stations set up; we played two. The first was searching for food. The lady shook a box of nerds (candy) at him then hid it under some straw. Once he got done looking at each individual piece of hay, he found the nerds. Once that was done we went to the petting zoo. This one was not as much fun as the one at the fair. There was so much poo our shoes will never be clean again. He refused to let go of the box of nerds and when we tried to take it from him, he would scream “Ow” and try to throw himself on the ground. Not wanting to ride with a poo covered baby we let him have his way for the moment. Once we left Rex decided he wanted to sit down and have a banana. That was a nice quiet time until Rex decided to walk near the bathrooms. He wanted to go in, but I wouldn’t let him . Coach was holding Rex’s hand at the time and Rex showed us his new trick. Now instead of just saying “ow” when he doesn’t get his way, if you are holding his hand he will hit himself in the head with it and say “ow” so you end up looking like you are punching a baby. I was waiting for someone to pull us to the side or arrest us. In the end, Rex screamed and Coach carried him away from the bathrooms. This was only the first part of the day. Then we took him to the coloring station. I left to stand in the 1/2 mile long line for cotton candy. I got out of the line because nobody needed cotton candy that badly. Rex was busy taking crayons out of the box and waving them over the paper. I left those two to see if anything worth seeing was nearby. I found nothing and when I got back to Coach and Rex, Coach was struggling to get Rex to put his coat on and about that time we decided it was time to see the tigers and go home. Rex decided he didn’t want to walk or be carried. Neither one of us really wanted to carry him (earlier Rex took a knee in some poop/ mud). So we played a fun game of follow the fruit snacks. I would take out a fruit snack and run ahead of Rex and he would chase after me and when he got close I would run away again. This worked well until I ran out of snacks, but we were pretty close to the popcorn stand. We all went to get popcorn; there was one other person in line with her little girl. The mom gave her daughter a bag of popcorn and Rex tried to take it from her. He tore her bag (only a little) and I apologized for my unruly child, got some popcorn, and left. That was our last trip to the zoo and I think after our trip to the aquarium we won’t be taking Rex anywhere until he is five.

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