I deal with drunken maniacs

Today: +2
Days Rated: 165
Average Day: 1.55

So Bisson and I were on CQ tonight. It was a bad night to be on CQ. It was a Friday and everyone was getting as drunk as possible because it was their first chance after two weeks on CQ.

Here is a brief rundown of the suspects and their crimes:

McFadden – Appeared in his costume of cowboy hat, jeans hiked up to his armpits, belt buckle the size of a dinner plate and cowboy boots. Did a shot of tequila on the counter, then left to go to a get together at his squad leader’s house. Didn’t say much, but did sway drunkenly back and forth.

Keller – Didn’t say much either, but he wasn’t drunk. He was the designated driver, but I blame him for associating with these people.

Martinez – He is one of the worst drunks. I watched him swill from a bottle of tequila. Then I made a comment about how he’s an angry drunk and threatens to stab everybody when he’s drunk. He then came behind the counter, kicked me in the shin and threatened to stab me. I chased him out by hitting him with a stick. He’ll be angry if he reads this when he’s drunk, but he can’t stab me through the computer.

Robbins – Didn’t do anything to me personally, but went to SSG Goodarts house for this get together and then mysteriously disappeared, prompting about a hundred rambling calls from McFadden asking if I’d seen him, followed by a brief struggle, then SSG Goodart taking the phone away and telling me to ignore McFadden but see if Robbins was back in his room yet. A sample…

McFadden: “Coach! Coach! Is this Coach?! Have you seen…hang on. (Pause) What’s his name? Robbins! Have you seen Robbins? He climbed out the window, and we don’t think he’s drunk but he may have stolen a bottle of whiskey and now he’s gone. Do some pushups right now. This is a call coming from a staff sergeant in the United States army. SSG Goodart! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? Where is Robbins. (sob) We need to find him!”
SSG Goodart: Damn it, McFadden give me that phone.

Davenport: Called me 50 times from Koot’s asking for a ride home. This wouldn’t have been a big deal, if:
1. I had a car.
2. Bisson had his car with him.
3. He identified himself by name.
4. He was able to tell us where he was.
5. He was able to speak English at all.

After a few minutes of drunken blubbering, I’d hang up the phone, and he’d call back a few minutes later. Finally I asked him if there wasn’t anyone there who was less drunk, and he put on Olsen, who was relatively sober and made perfect sense. What I’m trying to understand is why didn’t Olsen call in the first place?

MAC: The worst of the bunch. Came up drunk and raving to the desk. Knocked things off the counter and threw them at me. Told me that there was a girl in the barracks who hadn’t checked in. I went to investigate and he followed me there and back accusing me of dereliction of duty and threatening to tell the first sergeant that I was bad. Knocked more things off the counter. Heckled me while I was checking the girls in. Finally I couldn’t take it any more and I leapt over the counter and began wrestling with him. He’s pretty strong, but I got a hold of him. I thought about choking him out, but figured it would make him stay longer and let him go. He ran off finally, thankfully.

Yeah, it was quite the eventful evening


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