Piss Test!


above: Mooney went outside in the rain, and when he came in my mom tried to dry him off, but instead he ran about the house with this towel on him.

Today: +3
Days Rated: 44
Average Day: 3.09

So we had a piss test this morning instead of doing PT, but it was at 630 and not 0400. There’s a little spiel the CO apparently is required to read us before every piss test. At the end of it, he says, “Anyone have any questions?” I don’t ask any, because I don’t want to waste his time, or the time of 180 other people. But I do have two questions, sir.

1. I know that MDMA is Ecstasy, but what are DMA, D-Amphetamine, MMA, MDM, A-MDMA and the other sixteen drugs that you listed? Don’t worry, I’m not going to try any of these, sir, but if you could just sort of describe some of the effects, because I’m curious… Also, if I could get a first-hand account from someone who’s actually tried one of these drugs… Are they hard to get? Was it worth it?

2. In the briefing, you said that if we don’t comply with the testing procedures, we’re in violation of “AR 600-85, AR 470-2, AR 632345-2110, FM 23-18, Presidential Order #19, DOD Directive Omega and the rules of both Fight Club and Project Mayhem.” At least that’s what it sounded like you said, sir, because you read the list really fast. Again, I’m curious, are those all real regulations, or did you make some of them up to scare us? No further questions, sir.

Question to my Readers: Do you consider Tarot Cards to be “the work of the devil” or in any way something more sinister/satanic than a horoscope in the newspaper or a fortune cookie?

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