Safety Briefed

Tuesday, Dec 13: +4
Days Counted: 23
Total Rating: 35
Average Day: 1.52 (+0.11)

In the morning we had some briefings in the post theater. Apparently, the battalion is against us killing ourselves, accepting high-priced items from shady government contractors, or becoming spies. However, I did learn about the 59-minute rule. This is where you have your government employees go home one minute after the hour, but pay them for the full hour. I like the idea, it sounds like the army traditions of “ZONK”, “Barracks Maintenance” and “Studying your Ranger Handbook”. Too bad we don’t get paid by the hour, although when I run for Chief of Staff in 2008, this will be on my campaign platform. In the afternoon we had more briefings at the company level. It was the typical safety brief, covering all bases. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t freeze to death. When you are snowmobiling, hunting or fishing, take certain safety precautions that I can’t remember because I was not paying attention since I don’t plan on doing any of those things. Then an all-time moment in safety brief history when we received a PowerPoint presentation from a reluctant SSG Birdsong entitled “Slips, Trips and Falls.” This presentation was designed for elementary schoolers, complete with cartoon cats, and definitions of what it meant to “trip”. How stupid do they think we are? What’s next? “Don’t Forget to Breathe?” The ironic thing is that now that we are all leaving Alaska, great land of unplowed, unsalted roads, the risk of us falling down and killing ourselves is much less. The briefings were interrupted for about an hour as we did a “Health and Welfare” of our rooms to search for compasses and other naughty things. A Health and Welfare Inspection is like a polite police search of your room. NCOs usually are embarrassed to be going through your personal property. I didn’t mind. I know better than to keep my 4 foot bong, stolen .50 cal machine gun and dead hooker in an Army barracks room. One time SSG Nolan found Battaglia’s toucan thong and thought it was a mask and put it on his face. That was one of the funniest things ever. Sometimes if I know we are having an inspection I leave out porn mags all over the place to distract them. At least one time per inspection, one of the inspecting people accidentally touches something like a “Happy sock” in someone’s room. Anyway, after all the briefings, we sat in the team room for like half an hour then got released. I should have gone to the gym tonight but I was tired and took a nap and woke up too late. I’ll go tomorrow.

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