Airlift Planner!

They randomly chose people from our battalion to go to an “airlift equipment preparation” course. I didn’t know what that was, but I didn’t care because it got me out of going to the post newcomer’s brief for the second month in a row. I plan to use that as an ace in the hole to get me out of work some day on the first of a month. I don’t care if I’ve been here for 2 years, if I tell Sergeant X that I haven’t gone yet, he will first flip out, and then send me to the briefing, since the commanding general ordered all new soldiers to go. The class is about learning how to load pallets and vehicles (and passengers) onto cargo planes for when you deploy or do a mission. The plane has to be balanced correctly and everything has to be put in the proper place for ease of on/offload. Unfortunately, there was no driving of a forklift. When I was about 18, and working at FedEx, I was there one time on a Sunday when there were not many people around. The boss asked who knew how to drive a forklift. I raised my hand, even though I had no idea. I mean I could drive a car, and I figured I could figure it out quick enough. I immediately backed the forklift off a 3 foot high loading dock. That was the last time I was ever allowed to go near machinery at that job.
It is a tricky science of mathematics, and cutting out little paper trucks to put onto the diagrams of the plan without forgetting anything. Being good at math, even though I’m not so good at cutting paper, I managed to get the highest grade in the class. I would always finish 30 minutes into the three hour tests, so I’d just sit around and play Game Boy. They let me take Phase II of the class, which was meant for sergeants, even though I’m only a specialist, because I did a good job at the first part. It was funny to watch some people get screamed at by the Air Force instructors when they made dumb mistakes like parking a Humvee on top of passengers for example. I had the highest grade in this one too. Okay, I’m not trying to brag, but it was about the first time in the army I was best at anything. The instructors asked if I wanted to go out drinking with them when the class was over, but I didn’t call the guy’s cell phone. I figured it would have been weird. Now I have a cool card that says I’m qualified to load airplanes. Just not drive a forklift.

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